The Dangerman Cameo:

By Linda McGrew on April 15, 2008 8:01 AM | Permalink | Comments (0) | TrackBacks (0)

THE DANGERMAN CAMEO:

Nimen Hau! We covered over 3,000 kms and four major cities and thanks to Linda we crammed

3 weeks worth of traveling into 9 days. Although that by no means makes me an "expert", I

thought that rather than boring you with sites and history, (besides, Linda's blog does an
excellent job of providing background info + photos...i.e. re-read September + October), that I

could instead deal with some general misconceptions + observations:

The first and most poignant observation, and not that we didn't know this already, is that

Linda McGrew is one amazing young lady. Her grasp of a completely foreign language in just

a few short months, her acceptance of a significantly different culture, her guts and
sense of adventure are inspiring. There is absolutely no way that Stacey and I would have

the knowledge, intuition, and frankly the courage to see and experience what we did

if it was not for Linda, and I don't think we have ever been any more pleased and proud
to be her Fu + Mu. XIE XIE NI LILI !

OK so we disembark in Beijing + I figure this may be my last "pleasant" washroom experience

for awhile (the next 4 days were to be spent in hostels and trains), so I duck into the can @ the
terminal and there's some Chinese guy in a stall and he is just givin' 'er! He's talking, he's groaning,

and he's even yelling. While I had not yet mastered the local dialect I am quite sure that loosely

translated it was "Who does Number 2 work for?"! So I hightailed it outta there but later regretted

not making the most of that location, since I learned subsequently, after 51 years, that the human

bodily functions of whizzing and gagging cannot be performed simultaneously and must be done

alternately (usually 8-10 gags per whizz although this can be up to 14 depending on location).

Yes finding a decent public washroom is a bit of a challenge. OK sure you could stay within a

2-block radius of your hotel, but then you would not see the "real" China as a passenger
on Linda's Zen Party Bus.

Safety: One major misconception we had prior to the visit had to do with safety, but this is definitely

not an issue. And believe me, Linda took us well into the houtongs of Beijing late at night,

into the depths of the muslim quarters in Xi'an, and several other places where, not only

were we the only "lao wais" in site, but I'm quite sure the sighting of a white person was

extremely rare. I am convinced that we would be much more vulnerable to crime in any large

western city. Maybe if you got shot for stealing it would also reduce the car thefts, muggings

and the drug trade in Vancouver? Just a thought.

Food: This was another area where we were pleasantly surprised, having been advised to get shots

and not to eat the street food. Nonsense! The street food was amazing, and we tried everything

from tongue to squid, peking duck, "twitchy fish" and "juicy dumps"
(did not officially sample the dog dumpling although can't be 100% certain).
p.s. This section may need to be updated if we get symptoms of hepatitis within 3-4 months.

Environment: This is where China falls flat on its face. In Beijing, by 4 pm each day the sun is

100% obliterated by pollution. Buses puke a half a pound of carbon with the shifting of every gear.
(I am not even sure how photosynthesis continues under these conditions).
When you flush the toilet on the train from Xi'an to Suzhou it opens a trap door to the tracks below

for chrissake, and the canals in the back alleys of Suzhou are loaded with styrofoam and fresh

garbage. I have never experienced such a voluminous array of disgusting stenches

(well, except for maybe the first time I tried tofu). Perhaps the two fatasses Al Gore + Michael Moore

could produce another movie which is based on some actual facts; such as the fact that we in the

west have a pretty good thing going (we can see the sun); we are making progress on emissions;

and whatever we do here is a drop in the bucket, since the real problem lies on the complete

opposite side of the planet!

Traffic: Hilarious mayhem. A three-lane roadway means 5 lanes to the Chinese and it is not

uncommon to see vehicles traveling down the wrong side of the road, motorcycles with 3 people

(including a young child) and none of them wearing helmets, and even some random old guy

walking a wheelbarrow full of bricks the wrong way down the speeding lane,etc.

It's amazing...but it works.

Economy + Politics: You cannot walk down the street of any city in China and tell me

that this is "communism". In fact, our two systems are much more similar than one would think.

In China there remains a significant gap between rich and poor but there is a growing
middle class as more poor people obtain jobs and have disposable income for the first time.

In Canada we have a larger middle class thanks to an egregious tax system which steals from

those who work hard and take risks, and to an extremely socialistic welfare and

unemployment system which rewards failure and lack of motivation. In China those who

have jobs are happy about it, right down to the guy who scoops water from a bucket to keep

the dust down in the houtongs. They work weekends and they work late until the job is done -
even banks and the post office - unlike the sense-of-entitlement bullshit which hampers

productivity in North America.
There is significant government regulation and control of the

Chinese economy, not a lot different to the ownership restrictions, duties and quotas
which we have in place because we are afraid of competition.
China's GDP continues to grow by double-digits while our economy is stagnant.

I am not sure exactly when the transfer of wealth occurred, but the West is bankrupt

while China and some Arab nations have all of our money; and looking ahead I would say

we are royally screwed.

In China they don't have the same ability to vote and the guys in charge are socialists

who don't always tell the people the truth. In North America we do get to vote, but all we do

is elect a bunch of socialists who don't always tell us the truth.
Karl Marx astutely stated "Democracy is the road to socialism" and it was Chairman Mao

who said "It doesn't matter if it's a white cat or a black cat, as long as the cat catches the mouse".

Culture Clash + the Future: As large as the gap between rich and poor is the coinciding clash

between old and new. Off the beaten path we found poor elderly people barely surviving

(I betcha that they have seen some shit in the past 70 years). In the countryside past Xi'an

you could still see the old communists wearing their green army jackets with red arm badges,

as they surveyed workers hauling bricks or plowing fields with their donkeys.

Meantime everyone born since the new experiment began in 1979, certainly in the big cities,

are so very desperately trying to act and look "western". They stare at Linda as if to memorize

everything about her. There is a significantly disproportionate high number of white people on

the billboards (Chinese young ladies even bleach their faces with Bi-White skin toner from Avon).

They have i-pods and cellphones, and with a KFC literally on every block, (seriously)
such that they are even beginning to fill out their jeans like westerners!
Their magazines and music videos on Chinese MTV have the same choreography and

scantily clad girls ...you'd think they were produced in L.A.

On the road back from the ancient city of Xi'an I was able to access espn.com on my blackberry

and see that I was the undisputed champion of our NCAA Men's Tournament Pool
(OK you knew that was coming).
Yes the new is overtaking the old in China, and in a couple of generations the arts of handcarvings

and silk stitching will be dying, literally. Finally on this subject I refer you to the following link:
http://www.nytimes.com/2008/04/13/opinion/13forney.html

Randomness:
--At the Forbidden Temple, one of china's most revered historical sites, the informational signs are sponsored by American Express.
--In Shanghai there's a building which was constructed during the colonialization, which was later confiscated/nationalized by the communists, and now houses an Armani store.
--She has only lived there for 6 months, but Linda completely dominates those street vendors.
--I would like to be a spectator at the Inner Mongolian Camel racing Festival next Jan 26th
--In Tiananmen square while viewing the photos of 1989 showing "business as usual",

(a meeting of government officials and Chinese folks celebrating with fireworks) I was completely

freaked out. Like "chills down your spine" freaky.
--According to China TV the Olympic torch rally in San Francisco was very pro-China and laden

with well-wishers.
--The only 2 times that I have traveled to non English-speaking countries the first word I learn to

translate is "beer"
--BOTH of my daughters can now open a bottle of beer with their teeth.
--I think the WCB would have a field day in China
--A pack of cigarettes in China costs 30 cents.
--Since apparently they do not use growth hormones in their milk or meat, the locals took to calling me "Stretch"
--The Chinese seem to like Celin Dion + Ashley Simpson, so I guess there's no accounting for taste no matter what side of the world you're on.

OK a few pics and we're done:

Classic Wall Photo