June 2009 Archives

I don't know if I have ever felt so unmotivated to write my blog; or even write in general.

It's not that things aren't happening or I haven't been traveling; but I don't know. . . I kinda feel a bit embarrassed these days about writing so openly and honestly and then posting on the internet. It could be that I have been finding out recently that quite a few people in my life here in Wuhan read my blog. That's really embarrassing because I don't want them to know 'the other sides'. As I have said before, I really just write this for my family and friends at home as well as random special people I have met along the road of life. But anyways, what can you do? It could also be a variety of other things - many of which are touched on below.

I thought since I've not written in a while (but I will write a lot during July and August) that I'd do a little clean up of things gone on in May and June, as well as a little update on the next few years' plans.

As I mentioned, I've not failed to write due to any lack of things to say. A lot has been going on in my 'love life' (let's put that in quotations for a variety of reasons that you can all just speculate on silently) which include an old but new character who almost has me considering changing my Facebook status from « single » - the issue is, there are no Facebook status choices that can explain 'sort of not really too single anymore but will be temporarily whilst traveling and upon return may not necessarily be single again' The point here is I am thinking about it - ok - that is a big step for me so let's just go with that.

Furthermore, I have been on a few fun 'dates' recently (again, the quotation marks are up to you to decipher, but I'd say you can just take the meaning to refer to not-so-serious events) One date in particular was to the Communist Party's National Ballet. Holy smokes I wish I'd smuggled a camera in along with the vodka. It was amazing. Although it was my first ballet and thus my perception of quality might not be as seasoned as some; but I'd say it was the most impressive show I've been to - possibly in my life. To make it even more interesting, it was about a female soldier in China over the last 70 or so years of China's history. There was no shortage of Communist Party propaganda which had both me and my date squirming in discomfort and giggling in shock. But this was overridden a hundred times by the absolutely stunning dancers, costumes and music. While I am on the topic I must say there is again something strange going on in the stars - EVERY person who has entered my life in the last while is a Gemini. Why are Gemini men attracted to me? Maybe I am the only person who puts up with their shenanigans. In fact, I love Gemini shenanigans - but I would certainly not want them in a situation that I can't readily get out of whenever I want.

Moreover, in the relationship section of  today's entry, I mustn't forget to mention May and AP's wedding.

I traveled to Suzhou and Shanghai last weekend to take part in May and AP's second wedding (they will have three: one in May's home town; one in their hometown and one in AP's hometown) . Being back in Shanghai and Suzhou reminded me a bit of last year but the only nostalgia I felt had to do with the woman who used to do my nails. Again - I don't know what I want; but I certainly know what I don't want. Anyways, the weekend was great and it was fun to see some of my old students and friends.

What's more, the day after the wedding, I was blessed to be part of one of the most special moments of my life. Sometimes I have moments that I just can't write about. I can't take pictures of because in the moment I don't even consider thinking about anything else but being there and soaking it all in. I don't want to even talk about moments like this for fear of releasing the specialness or memory from my brain through my mouth. In saying that I'll just say thank you, May and AP for making me feel so accepted and comfortable and loved.

Bliss.

I love you guys, man!

I could say another reason why I've not written in my blog is I don't have a camera. It was stolen about 2 months ago then a friend gave me his spare but then his wife found out and forced him to get it back. So I've been cameraless for a month. No big deal except my stories kinda suck without visual stimulation in the form of either my pictures or my face and hand expressions. It is a sad state of affairs that was going to rectified this past weekend in Shanghai but instead I bought a bike. Anyways, luckily May and AP have a camera.

About a month ago, May, AP, Chandler and I traveled to Xian. I was the tour guide  (the Xian specialist between the 4 of us) and we got to explore all my favorite Chinese things there: culture, history, old walls, relics, minority groups, religions - oh, and speaking of religions:

Chandler and I tried our hand at being Muslim. I liked it. Then I found out we couldn't drink beer.

The idea was immediately KYBOSHED - but not before we drank beer in our new hats secretly in the hotel room. 

A few other random thoughts over the last month or so before I let you go:

The Tiennamen Square Massacre's 20th Anniversary was last week. For almost 4 days all of China had no email, no facebook, no youtube, not wikipedia and no access to most news sources. But, of course the following week we completely forgot about any sort of injustice in Beijing only 20 years prior and wouldn't consider at all mentioning this to friends via email nor looking up stories or blogs from the previous week. I wonder sometimes if the Chinese government thinks we're all complete idiots - or, if most people just are?

Yes, we all will get old and die - it is one of two of lifes certainties. The other certainty is change. And Change is something I am progressively getting more and more comfortable with. In saying that (and sorry to some of you who are hearing this for the first time through this media - it's not that I don't love you!) but plans have changed for me. I am no longer returning to Wuhan. BUT my plan is to return to China (how can I not - I love it here!). I'll 95% likely be heading up to Beijing for school (although the pic above that i took this year only a block from tiennamen reminds me the air there is not so great) and to work a bit on the IELTS examining I do some weekends. I really want to intensively study Chinese, and get as profficient as possible in this third year. Then, I'll likely do my PHD (or a concurrent Law degree/PHD) back in Canada. Or I might do some of the studies for my PHD in China too.

Anyways, the moral is this : I'm on the move again; feeling a bit traveled out; definitely taught out; certainly wanting to hit the books hard again. And, yes, I think I'm in love but running from it as usual.