Rob

"I'm not crazy, I've just died.

I'm not Jesus, I'm not God, but I'm here to save people.

I've been given a second chance for a reason.

 

"The kids in Victoria call me the Salmon King. When that happened the price of the stock went up trillions. Then people started hating me. People don't like a good guy. 

 

"One day I found out my girlfriend cheated on me because she gave me something I ain't never had before, if you know what I mean. On the way to the doctors two guys came at me trying to kill me. While I was running away from them I got hit by a car. That's why I'm handicapped now. Got this cane, see?

 

"I embarrassed a guy so badly he went purple yesterday. He was making fun of my charity down at the auction. He didn't believe my money all went to the children. I yelled at him. They don't let people talk like that at the auction but they let me. I yelled at him and embarrassed him so badly his face turned purple and he marched right out. We won't see him around any more.

 

"You know how much money I made for the children at the auction last week? Three hundred thousand. Yeah. I make money and give it to the children's hospital. I'm Santa Claus. Even the Victoria police call me Santa Claus because of all the good I do for children. I had a house once with ten boys - all orphans. All under the age of ten. I never touched them; I was just helping them out. But some guy ratted on me and I went to jail.

 

"I went to jail cause I needed a break from it all. Even the judge he said he knew I was innocent but he thought I just needed a break. I was in jail for six weeks and when I got out the guy who put me in, his dad had died and left him 10 million dollars. So he knew I would be after him and he paid a bunch of guys to try to kill me. Watch when I walk outside later. There'll be guys following me trying to kill me. But they can't.

 

"I'm a good guy.

I wanna be a bad guy but I can't.

Every body hates a good guy.

 

"You're my friend. You're safe.

Just wait it out, the storm will die down.

And you'll be OK cause you're my friend.

 

"I won the lottery one hundred times in a row. Then they banned me. Then I won one hundred scratch-n-wins in a row before they banned me from that too. I was in a casino one day and they banned me because every machine I touched won. Wanna watch me go make some money? One second I can make a million. Wanna come with me now? Come on.

 

"I am a millionaire. I make about fifteen hundred dollars a second. And the IRA owes me thirty thou. They're taking their time getting it to me. I'm owed about four hundred thousand dollars. But no one's paying right now cause of the way the economy's going.

 

"Wanna see cane twirls? Come out side and watch this. Come on! Look. Whew! Oh that wasn't a good one. Not high enough. Whoo, hoo! Good one. Betcha I can stick it into my pocket. And there ain't even a hole in it. Do you believe me?

Sloop! Heh heh.

 

"I see you've probably heard a lot of bullshit in your life - 'scuse my language, but this ain't bull.

I just wanna make conversation.

 

"The auction is just down the street. I bought an old French vase yesterday for 10 bucks and I'm gonna sell it for 1800 dollars. All the money I make goes to the children.

 

"I've died and come back to life three times, once when I was 8, once when I was 17, and again only 5 years ago. A guy came up to me and put his finger on my chest last week and said, 'you're one of them too.' He had died too once. We can see each other. We know one another - those of us who have died and come back to life. We see things differently. I'm not crazy. You know that, don't you?

 

"I'm not crazy, I've just died.

I'm not Jesus, I'm not God, but I'm here to save people.

I've been given a second chance for a reason.

 

"The  ambulance attendant saw me on the street the other day and nearly passed out. 'Rob? Is that you? You should have died!' he said.

 

"'You have the longest life line I've ever seen in my life,' a woman said to me once. She's one hundred and thirty. She's seen a lot of life lines. I have the longest life line. That's why I can't die.

 

"I've been clean for seven months. I needed a break from that too. But I'm not crazy and I'm not on drugs. I just am - like this. Different than other people. Like, I can see through you. Look into  my eyes. I can see your soul. ...

 

"Yep. You're good. That's why I like you.

 

"What do you do? You're a writer? Then write something useful. Write about all of the greed in the world. And how it will kill us soon. Greed. Those Chinese were the final straw. They will kill us all.

 

"I had 50 years of friends then in one night I got rid of 'em all.

 

"My friend died yesterday. Just over there in a room in that building. I was there. I saw it with my own eyes. They brought me there to bring her back to life cause I had brought myself back to life so many times but there was nothing I could do.

 

"One time a seagull had a heart attack and fell from the sky and hit me on the head. Another time a Canadian goose flew right into me. They don't see me, birds - on account of my dying three times already.

 

"My brain has grown so big. When I'm on a bus I hear every person speak and think.

 

"I had to go back cause I lied.

Fibbed.

White lie.

 

"Three hundred thousand dollars last week for the children's hospital.

 

"How's your coffee, you want another one? I'll get you one. I'm rich, you know. OK, I see, well I'll go then.

 

"Check TV, Evening 6 News. What do you think of Rob so far?

 

He holds his right hand in a fist, first up to his mouth and then over to mine as though it is a microphone. In a rare moment of utter speachlessness I realize he has been gripping his fist that way the entire time he has been speaking to me. I sit, dumbfounded, my mouth opens a few times but I cannot think of an appropriate answer. I look into his eyes again, praying that he can't really hear my thoughts like he said he could.

Finally I muster, "It was a pleasure to meet you, Rob." to which he responds by jumping up from his seat and bolting out the door while yelling.

 

"It was nice meeting you, too. See ya 'round!"

 

His yellow eyes with a thousands black specks make an impression on my memory that I may never shake.