LINDY-LOO'S LIFE

Beautiful Bali

2010-03-11T11:14:13Z

I had almost a full week alone before Cat arrived from a business/pleasure trip in Australia. I tried very hard to relax and I think I might have actually succeeded a bit (a first!?). My general daily routine went along the lines of: get up at 6; run; walk to the beach; coffee on the beach; study and/or read; swim; beachcomb at low tide; read more; another coffee; study more; swim again; feel sunned-out; walk home; drive to internet café for emails; eat street food; drive home sleepily; read in bed; fall into a deep sleep at 10. Quite a healthy little routine, I'd say...which was slightly but not fully changed upon Cats' arrival... Mere trivial things such as an addition of about 6 or 7 beers and 4 or 5 hours of work each day were added - what was deducted from the previous schedule I couldn't tell you, but it somehow worked out.

Our first day and night together after a long year apart of course involved beach time, hugs, tears, laughs, beers, and we had to go to none other than the fateful spot we'd met years earlier...and watch a famous unbeatable Uluwatu sunset.

After a few days of catching up with Cat, I'd run into Brad, a Calgarian who was headed up to Lovina (Northern Bali) with a local for some Hindu sacrifices and prayer. I am pretty sure it is a universal law to have to accept invitations such as this. So of course not wanting to break important laws, I conceded. Bradly and I spent the next 30 hours or so learning all about Hinduism and balancing that with doing some ridiculously touristy things (do not go on the dolphin tour!). During this short period we also managed to (in chronological order): see a sun set; see a MOON set; become groupies in a band; watch the sun rise; have a dolphin do a triple-sow-cow two feet away; get invited to a cock fight; get drunk; and get sunburned beyond belief...then just to punctuate the time that this all took place in, at this point in the chronological list, our friend came back from Temple, and picked us up...it was 11 am.

Moon set

Sun rise

Him: you want see cock fight?
Me: Whoa, dude, it's not even 10am!
Him: cock fight!?!?
Me: Well at least let me get a picture of this.

Upon return I had a bit of work to do. Monday we went to our tailor and made a big order for all the stores in Australia. And we had a lot of meetings about our first year in business and plans for next year.

But of course no matter how much we worked during the day, it was essential to end it with a Bintang and a sunset on the beach. After a few Bintang one night at the beach by our house, I got a little artsy with these three boys who were playing in the waves as the sun set.

After a week or so of work, Cat and I were ready for a break. So Cat decided to take me on an 8-hour-3rd-world-boat-ride to the land of Muslims and Malaria: Lombok.

I will underexaggerate my dislike for this place by showing some great pictures and holding back the few near death, near mugging, full on chase, stuck cars, and true vandalism stories. But I will say I felt unsafe the entire time, and unfortunately have a new view on Muslims in general that I never wanted but I hope will one day soon be changed.

The Sunday market

Of course I would never miss an opportunity to embarrass myself at the expense of making you laugh, so I will, red faced, tell you briefly that we did a photo shoot in the back alleys of Kuta for the new Winter 2011 line. And since we could neither find on short notice nor afford a real model, Cat and I made do.
She is a natural... I, on the other hand, am a natural nerd!

Oh, lastly, I might have done something a little rash. But I don't regret it in the least....yet!

Home is Where the Computer Is

2010-02-10T10:35:52Z

I don't like to ever even think of the negative; let alone focus on it...so I will merely gloss over some minute details leading up to now and fill you in on a few quick things, as well as entertain you with my OCD and that which manifests from it when I am stressed -lists; before wandering off into a heavenly abyss for the next 3 weeks....but with the luck I've had over the last week, maybe never coming back.

First, to start off....

List #1: Things I didn't expect about Kuala Lumpur
1. The massively large Muslim population (which is visibly apparent via the head scarves and in some cases full Burka's)
2. The massively large Chinese population (which is aurally apparent by not only their loudness but also they language that they chose to yell at eachother and into their cellphone's in; as well as visually apparent as most signage is in Malaysian and Chinese - not English)
3. They drive on the wrong side of the road
4. KL is a country, not a city (not literally but i spent an hour on a bus then an hour in the subway just to get to the downtown core)
5. The Indian influence (seen in the food the clothing, the architecture, and the people's faces)

Now onto the goods....
The last three days have been hellish to put it mildly. I lost my favorite and only Roots sweatshirt. Lived in an airport for 3 days and 2 nights unvoluntarily. Found myself yelling at another human beiing and then of course feeling horrible for it (I remember thinking while doing so that I was mad as I have been in years....since my last encounter with Steven, of all things, over 2 summers ago). Missed a flight (which was not my fault, hence me yelling at someone). Bought a new flight. Arrived into Bali and like a pro had my 25USD ready, busted through immigration and out to...oh what? Yeah, they lost my bags.

At this point, I had to admit to myself I was in a very low slump. And I really had to admit I couldn't feel worse. I hate to admit these things to myself. It is like I let life win the battle. It doesn't help I'd bee a bit low since spending my bday all alone AND THEN finding out Cat wouldn't be back to Bali until the 16th and I'd be alone for ANOTHER week. So I was sulking a bit. My only solace was, yes, it really couldn't get much worse.
So...... after filling out the appropriate paper work, and praying to the Hindu God of Luggage, I got out to the sunshine and got an amazing hug from Kadek (sometimes that's all ya really need) and we went home, got a bit settled, got me a phone card (# 0858-5751-8105), then I bee-lined it to PAdang PAdang (my old stomping grounds, watch for me on this webcam). I parked 1km away to give myself a walk. And was still a bit stressed from the whole ordeal. But I dropped my shoes off with the Kopi lady and after the typical pleasantries and one unexpected one (she asked me where I bought my besar while poking my boob, which made me laugh (my first spontaneous laugh all day)) I walked to the water in my dress (no clothes, remember) and when my foot made contact with the water it was like everything just left my body. Everything was right again. Everything in life is good. I almost cried! And then I swam around for an hour or so. Went out to the break to chat with the surfers; walked along the beach to find any sort of science geek stuff possible; and then bought some sunscreen (yep, a few hours late).

(sorry for the quality of these pics, btw....along with my life's necessities for a month was my camera in the bags. So I took this pic with my computer's camera...but I think you get the jist...I am smiling again!)

List #2: Things I'd Forgotten About Bali (you may want to go back and read the Bali post of me experiencing Bali for the first time in order to understand the quick references)
-stray dogs (aside: one must stay particularly alert whilst driving a mo-ped in a 3rd world country)
-Absolute Petrol
-"English" where you go? what doing?
-Kopi and the price of it and Bintang (there is a God)
-the most wonderful people in the world and their absolutely heart melting smiles
-The staring (undressing) with the eyes (or rather, that I might actually be an attractive woman and not the zoo animal I am made to feel in China)
- How slowly things change (or rather, how quickly China is changing)

List #3: Some Surprises
- I get freckles (and apparently burn in 5 minutes, proof in pic above)
- I found myself thinking on the road to Cat's "i'm home".

A note about point #2; list #3....What a strange thing to say to yourself..... but I guess I have to think a bit more about what I meant by that; and moreover what it might mean for my intentions in the future. For now, as I mentioned to an American I met at my hostel in Xian last weekend when she asked me where I call home: home is where my computer is.

The Happiest Monkey in the Barrel

2010-02-02T10:57:46Z

And the month of February is upon us. This to me of course means two very important things:
1. My birthday (aka birthweek or birthmonth; this year spanning from Jan 27 to Feb 10)
2. Chinese New Year (aka Spring Festival; this year beginning Feb 14).
Not only because today is my birthday but also because this is MY blog, for this post I am going to talk all about ME! (some of you are saying: "what's new?" right?)

I have spent a decade now as an independent adult. Most of this entails making bad decisions and big mistakes. But through all of that I've seemed to become more and more satisfied, happy, at peace, and closer to my goal of being a wise old woman who makes the world a better place. Is it just me or do other people not have these sort of goals? Am I in a minority of people who chose to assess their life in the amount of time I can laugh with someone in a day? Or am I just crazy? A crazy wise old happy woman is a fine goal to have.

I was lying in bed last night thinking about this last decade of my life. I was wondering how one sums up a life; a decade; a year. But more importantly I was curious to know how other people do this. As a scientist I automatically want to break it down into parts - Is life to be qualitatively or quantitatively assessed? How should it be analyzed? It seems to me like many people determine 'success' and quality of life based on quantitative measurements: how much money they have accrued; how many friends they have; how many places they've been to visit; how many shoes they have; their education; their job's status; how much they weight, etc. I think this is both ridiculous and useless as it neither reflects a person's success nor happiness.

So then, if I vehemently disagree with this method of judgment, how then do I think one can assess these things? How can we qualitatively assess a year; a decade; a life? I read an article a while ago about the "World's Happiest People". Along with being a very healthy person, I'd have to say a very prominent focus I have for my life is to be one of these sickeningly happy people. The thing is, everyone attains happiness in a different way, right? Furthermore, how can it really be qualitatively analyzed? Like, how do I even know if I am happy or not?
Well, some hot shots are already on it. Below, the happiest countries are in blue, the least happy are in red.

The first place I found reports on happiness indices was of course wikipedia GNH
GNH (gross national happiness) is ideal in my opinion because it is more qualitative.
"GNH refers to the concept of a measurement of well-being and happiness. It is not measured directly, but only the factors which are believed to lead to it. There is no exact quantitative definition of GNH, but elements that contribute to GNH are subject to quantitative measurement. Low rates of infant mortality, for instance, correlate positively with subjective expressions of well-being or happiness within a country. (This makes sense; it is no large leap to assume that premature death causes sorrow.) The practice of social science has long been directed toward transforming subjective expression of large numbers of people into meaningful quantitative data; there is no major difference between asking people "how confident are you in the economy?" and "how satisfied are you with your job?"

The GNH guys have come up with a way to measure happiness. "GNH can be measured using the day reconstruction method, which consists in recollecting memories of the previous working day by writing a short diary. A second-generation GNH concept, treating happiness as a socioeconomic development metric, was proposed in 2006 by Med Jones, the President of International Institute of Management. The metric measures socioeconomic development by tracking 7 development area including the nation's mental and emotional health. GNH value is proposed to be an index function of the total average per capita of the following measures:

   1. Economic Wellness: Indicated via direct survey and statistical measurement of economic metrics such as consumer debt, average income to consumer price index ratio and income distribution
   2. Environmental Wellness: Indicated via direct survey and statistical measurement of environmental metrics such as pollution, noise and traffic
   3. Physical Wellness: Indicated via statistical measurement of physical health metrics such as severe illnesses
   4. Mental Wellness: Indicated via direct survey and statistical measurement of mental health metrics such as usage of antidepressants and rise or decline of psychotherapy patients
   5. Workplace Wellness: Indicated via direct survey and statistical measurement of labor metrics such as jobless claims, job change, workplace complaints and lawsuits
   6. Social Wellness: Indicated via direct survey and statistical measurement of social metrics such as discrimination, safety, divorce rates, complaints of domestic conflicts and family lawsuits, public lawsuits, crime rates
   7. Political Wellness: Indicated via direct survey and statistical measurement of political metrics such as the quality of local democracy, individual freedom, and foreign conflicts.

And just when I started thinking facebook is my friend again, I came across this article on how facebook uses our information to chart a country's happiness. This article only focused on the US and along with the graph above summarized facebook's findings by saying, "Despite a deepening recession and prolonged wars, Americans seemed to be happier in 2009 than 2008."
This to me is slightly frightening but mostly pure entertainment....I mean, one of your happiest days of the year was when pirates were killed? Gotta love America.

Ok, so we are getting somewhere here. A way to analyze our success in life which to me means our happiness. The term 'well-being' is also thrown out there in the literature regarding happiness and success.
Check out this Wired article on the true measure of success or The New York time's Blog

Then there is this map (similar to the one above) I stumbled upon on each country's average well beings.
"The first World Map of Happiness has been published by scholars from the University of Leicester. The map is a global projection of subjective well-being (SWB), taken from a variety of recent sources, and compared with related data from UNESCO, the UN and even the CIA."

Last and certainly not least (I've been building up to this...hope you are not bored yet) the most brilliant of all:
The World's Data Base for Happiness From which one can learn that "Happiness is defined as the degree to which an individual judges the overall quality of his life-as-a-whole favorably. Within this concept two 'components' of happiness are distinguished: hedonic level of affect (the degree to which pleasant affect dominates) and contentment (perceived realization of wants). These components represent respectively 'affective' and 'cognitive' appraisals of life and are seen to figure as subtotals in the overall evaluation of life, called overall happiness."
The most interesting part of this site to me is on a global level looking at the maps
I know, I am a total nerd. Hey, it makes me happy!

Ok, so there are brilliant minds out there who've figured out how to measure and quantify our happiness as nations and the like. But then I wonder if happiness is also linked to brain chemicals; foods/drinks; environment and other such things slightly out of our control. I feel a bit guilty (I learned at a very young age that most people don't like happy people) when I say this but I kinda feel like I am just born to be happy. Or born to see the glass half full. Is it just easier for me than it is for other people? a ted talk if you are super-bored by now

Which brings me to my second point of today: Chinese New Year.
But more importantly, how Chinese New Year relates to ME....

I am a monkey based on the Chinese zodiac. It is frightening how bang-on a history of 5,000 years of observation can be....There isn't a single word I would disagree with in the information below. And if you disagree with some of it, well, frankly, you don't know me well.

Here are Jasmine and I being monkeys.

The 7 words used to describe Monkeys would all be in the 10 I would use to describe myself:
Imaginative, responsible, humorous, witty, curious, clever, sneaky
(If you are curious, I personally would top off the aforementioned 10 with something like: goofy, impatient, awkward)

"Monkeys can run circles around other people with ease. They are curious and clever people who catch on quickly to most anything. Monkey people generally can accomplish any given task. They appreciate difficult or challenging work as it stimulates them and makes them think. Monkeys are fun-loving people who really enjoy a good time with friends, family or anyone else for that matter. They love practical jokes and like to play tricks on colleagues and friends alike. Monkeys tend to stir up trouble simply out of boredom, which can end up being more hurtful than they intended. Often, when this causes trouble, they expect others to understand it was all a joke and to deal with the consequences on their own. The Chinese say Monkey's are just downright curious. Although gifted with a strong intellect, creativity and intuition are nor their fortes. They can't put themselves in your shoes even if they try and will become easily distracted or confused."

HEALTH
Monkeys believe being sick is a waste of time. They don't want to spend their days in bed. They want to experiencing the flavors of life. Usually, Monkeys are very healthy creatures, partly due to their active lifestyles. If they do experience illness, it is usually of the nervous or circulatory system.

AT HOME WITH THE MONKEY
Most Monkeys enjoy the activity offered by the city life rather than the quiet and tranquility offered in a more rural lifestyle. They crave being in the middle of things, enjoying life from a spectator's view. They also enjoy people-watching and can amuse themselves for hours at a time by just watching the people walk by. They need a view, and their homes are usually filled with windows and picturesque drawings.

THE MONKEY AT WORK
A Monkey's good memory and his ability to adapt are two of his most prized possessions. He is intelligent and stoic, able to pick new trades up quickly and easily. Monkeys are also able to do all the work in half the time it takes someone else, but will charge you double what someone else would charge. As such, Monkeys generally take occupations in the world of finance, such as banking, stock exchange or accounting.

MONEY AND THE MONKEY
Monkeys are just as good as spending money as they are at making it. They can't really save it because it burns a hole in their pockets. Occasionally though, Monkeys should put a little away today for an emergency tomorrow.

More specifically, I am a "Metal Monkey" THE METAL MONKEY 1920 AND 1980
Persuasive and passionate, this Monkey is a warm person. She is successful due to her innate determination and ambitious nature. In love these Monkeys are just and loyal as well as loving and affectionate.

Lastly, in the process of reading about my mokeyness I found what Monkey's dislike and completely embarrassed myself by laughing out loud in the very silent coffee shop where I am currently writing... why laugh, you ask? This could not be more true!!!
Monkeys Dislike: Being told to be quiet, not being the most popular, people who don't like their jokes.
I am pretty sure these three things in combination have been the cause of almost every one of my prior work or school conflicts - as well as past relationships ending! If only we had all known.......

Pieces to the Puzzle

2010-01-11T13:31:43Z

Time has absolutely flown by since Christmas. I don't know what happened - I blinked and it was already almost the middle of January, and the only reason why I noticed was it was 01-10-10 which I thought was a cool date. The good news is I got through another Christmas abroad, fairly unscathed - the bad news is I have final exams coming, a ton of Orang Orang to catch up on, and have managed to have almost 5% of my year already gone in a blink. This enjoying life thing is hard work, you know. And it is likely the main cause for this recent passing of time by in a blurry bolt of light and sound, delicious food and good friends.

I think it is fair to say that it is not every day I run into another human being that I like; let alone that I want to spend more time with; let alone that I want to try to spend as much time with as possible. Last week, I came across three people like this - and they were all together! So, I had the pure pleasure of bringing the other few people I love here together with them to share my current passion and obsession: Chinese culture and language - in my home, Beijing.

"The Swedish Trio", as I promptly called them in my phone's Contact List arrived in Beijing not long after Christmas, and in good time before New Years. The next week is literally a stream of joy. And in the midst of our enjoyment (which of course involved a lot of BiJiu), I was a little surprised by the knowledge I have acquired over the 25 months i have lived here. The Swedish Trio are all very smart, observant kids; and the questions they asked within their first 24 hours made me want to write this blog. You may not truly get to experience China without coming here; but if you plan to come, maybe a few of the next questions/answers will prepare you a bit.

The trio and I went to the great wall, of course, and I got to experience it with snow for the first time. So I will share some of my pics from that day whilst quickly answering some of their good questions.

What can you get in trouble for?
Nothing if you have white skin and/or look foreign. Peeing in the street, smoking in small enclosed public areas, drinking anywhere, driving you and your wife and three kids on the back of a motorbike without helmets, dragging your wife down the road by her hair, etc...they all fly. Drugs are likely the only thing a foreigner would get into serious trouble with - and that is only really localized to Beijing and Hong Kong.

What do you do if you're lost?
Jump up and down and cry to the nearest young person. If that doesn't work, get out your hotel's business card and point at it while looking at the taxi driver with big puppy dog eyes. Don't leave your hotel without one or two of those business cards.

What do you do in a taxi?
Do not jump up and down and wave your hands. Driving is dangerous enough here as it is. Get the taxi to call your hotel or a friend if there is a problem. Make sure the second you get in they put the meter down. Do not try to bargain. You will lose. They know the word for police - a single mention of that word will solve any problem.

What do you need to worry about?
Stealing of phones and other small electronics might be an issue in jam-packed subways and especially on trains. But all in all feel free to walk alone at night in dark alleys; eat unidentifiable foods; and act like you were born in a barn. The locals will likely tell you that you are being too polite. In addition, see below:

Why do they try to scam us? bargaining and cheating?
Because we have a lot more money than they do. Be grateful. Also, a few thousand years of Confucism would have you believing stealing and lying is ok too.

Why do people stare so much?
They're mothers never told them how rude it is.

Why do people spit so much?
Their mother's never told them how it makes other people around them sick.

What are they saying?
Wow look at that tall foreigner, he's so tall! Wow look how blonde his hair is, so blonde! Wow look how tall her nose is, she is so stylish and beautiful...Then when they get bored of that the next thing is usually, "Hey, you want to see my new phone?" or "how much did you pay for that?".

The pollution isn't too bad, eh?
Nope, not at all. It was much worse in 2007 when I arrived but Chinese people are changing and adapting faster and faster and now they know the sky can appear blue so are starting to make smarter choices as well as demand regulations from their government. Having said that, some days are better than others and some cities are certainly better than others too.

Why do the dudes have long finger nails?
Both long finger nails and white skin colour tell other people "I am not a farmer" and therefore they are supposed to mean they are at a higher level in society or something to the effect of 'white collar'. Of course the long pinky nail is great for getting those tough to reach spots too.

Can we eat that street food?
If a billion Chinese people do something every day, it can't be all that bad for us.

What do I say when I need to go to the washroom?
Do not put your hand like a WC as they will automatically assume you want three more beers (you are with the Canadian alcoholic, afterall). Say "W.C." and hold up toilet paper. PS, bring toilet paper everywhere you go.

Suffice it to say, my knowledge of this land is far from impressive. The China that China allows the world to see is the outer layer of a billion layered onion. The answers to some of these questions might allow the outsider to delve into a second layer, which one who has not been to China might not have access to. But along the road of bargain hunting, street food eating and Chinese opera watching, we also talked about a third layer. Some of the topics included family planning (the one child policy), laws, racism, foot binding and the role and expectations of women, history, politics, colours of buildings, crazy hidden meanings and symbolism in everything, and religion. During these more serious and slightly less practical chats, I was constantly coming back to the give-and-take of how I perceive this place as an outsider and how my teachers and friends see their home.

Namely, Chinese people blame all their worries and problems on the large population. Everything in their mind boils down to the fact that China's population is too big: so there is a lot of 'eating bitterness'; people need to work harder; wages are lower; lines are longer; 'competition is fierce'. And from what I have heard many North American's say, the large majority of China's challenges are due to their Communist government.

But I don't and I know a lot of other Westerners don't see it that simply. Yeah the large population causes of a lot of day to day conflict and annoyance. But the real stuff - the big stuff - in my mind all starts back 5000 years ago. I don't want to put you to sleep but I recommend one day asking me, if you are interested. For now I will leave you with an old Chinese folk tale.

井底之蛙，所见不广

一口废井里住着一只青蛙。有一天青蛙在井边碰上了一只从海里来的大龟。

青蛙就对海龟夸口说： "你看，我住在这里多快乐！那些虾和蝌蚪，谁也此不上我。我是这个井里的主人，在这里快活无比。你为什么不到井里来游玩下呢！" 那海龟听了青蛙的话，倒真想进去看看。但它的脚被绊住了。它犹豫了一下，把大海的情形告诉青蛙说:"你看过海吗？海的广大，哪止千里；海的深度，哪止千来丈。住在那样的大海里，才是真的快乐呢！" 井蛙听了海龟的一番话，吃惊地呆在那里，心里想："我和大海比起来真是太渺小了。"

The Frog in the Well

Once upon a time, there was a frog who lived in a shallow well. He said to a big turtle from the East Sea, "I am so happy! I look around at the crabs and tadpoles, and none of them can compare with me. Moreover, I am the lord of this well and enjoy all the joys of life here. My dear lady, why don't you come in to visit my place?" The big turtle wanted to take a look. However, her leg froze as she was about to stretch over the lip of the well. She hesitated a while and told the frog about the East Sea.

"A distance of a thousand Li is very long, but it is not enough to show how wide the sea is. A depth of seven Li is profound, but it is not enough to show how deep the sea is. The greatest happiness is to live in the East Sea." After listening to these words, the frog in the well was shocked: "How tiny I am beside the vast sea."

A frog who lived in a well all his life never knew what the real body of waters was until a sea turtle told him about it.......

Nnnnorthern Chchchcina in the Wwwwinter

2009-12-17T06:33:01Z

It's hard to believe that my last post had a pic of me in a tank top. Ah the good old days way back in October. Alas, the weather has quickly changed, and in some sick twist of fate, it is already December. It is COLD here and doesn't get light until 7am! But I'll tell ya, the Northern Chinese people and the frozen cities within which they live sure know how to roll with the cold. In fact, I feel much more of a kinship with these "DongBeiRen" 东北人 in a lot of ways because of this...this what? this ability to survive inhospitable environments, I guess. Also, I think people who come from very cold climates have an innate desire to care for and look out for others' needs, as well as plan ahead - more so than people from climates that don't necessarily require planning for no fresh food for months or needing to brave -20C to go get water.

Over the last bit, to no surprise, I've made a few new drinking buddies and been to a few new cities. Nothing earth shattering but distracting-in-a-good-way nonetheless; and therefore, reportable. Maybe it is just me and my perception, but it seems like in Northern climates, people become much more dependent on two very wonderful things: friends and booze. Northern China is no exception, and the locals as well as foreigners have taken a liking to calling me 加拿大酒鬼 which could be loosely translated as "that crazy Canadian girl who can really drink!" What can I say? I like friends; I like drinking; and it just so happens that I really, really like drinking with friends. A few more memorable events over the last months are as follows:

Over a month ago I went to HohHot (Inner Mongolia) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hohhot to work and had the pleasure of staying with Jason (from waaaaay back -see sept/oct 2007 blogs) and meet his wonderful woman and a few other friends. In true Canadian (or maybe it is just Jason and I) fashion, we bought a bottle of local spirits (60% alc.) put our jackets on, and took a motorbike ride up into the famous Mongolian Hills for a freeeezing cold and extremely beautiful high altitude adventure.

Yes, I very likely stepped on the same ground as Genghis Khan; but more importantly, I ate sweet cheese candy and drank salty milk tea from his family's store. Having said that, don't they say that something like over 40% of the world is a descendant from him? And therefore you all likely also drink tea and eat cheese from his family's store...so maybe my drinking his family's tea or eating his family's cheese is not a big deal. But all the same I felt it worth reporting.

I have been to ChangChun (Jilin province) http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Changchun three times in the last month - both for work and because The Baller is back in town. When I've been there recently I tend to work on improving my translating, interpreting, stretching, taping, massaging and listening skills among others. Always learning and improving -the purpose of life, right? Now whether the material that is being learned is useful or needed is up to the perception of those involved. I tend to argue that all learning is useful. And I digress.

Back in Beijing, enough time has passed where I really feel like some acquaintances are becoming real friends. Seb (my desk-mate and morning sanity, pictured below) and Jasmine (my sounding board and evening sanity, pictured above) are turning out to be very special characters in my story here. Having said that Seb is leaving (congrats on the new job though, dude!) and my favorite teacher just left, so class is looking pretty glum come next week.

Lastly, I read a great book by Paul Coelho this weekend called Brida. Can I just ask you to take a moment right now and manifest me for two things: 1. My soul mate 2. Acceptance to do my PHD. It'll only take a brief moment of your time, thanks.

恩，想起来了，我最近写了一首故事应为这个月我们的学校组建一个写信比赛。下面是我的诗歌。意思是一我看我们多有很多问题，我们都吃有点儿苦。在中国我看到了很多穷人也每天能看副人。在外国我还看到了很多教育人也很多经验专家。他们都想爱，都怕，多饿，渴，寂寞。。。不是所有的穷人都要钱。不是所有的富人都能休息。

一千痛一千悰；一千罹一千禧

映

    我叫小费，明天十八岁。我高高的个子，白白的皮肤，大大的眼睛。我的头发漆黑漆黑的，很长。每天我上十个小时课。我的老师不喜欢我, 尽管我学得很努力，但是他们都批评我很多。在学校我不能笑。我讨厌学校。
    今天我不能吃东西，无论如何要减肥，好女生都苗条。可能明天我会吃点儿。
我爱运动却不能，而且也没有时间，如果我有空，我应该学习。并且爸爸说过，运动会让我肌肉发达。男生不喜欢女生肌肉发达。
    我想做保姆，但是不可能。我的爸爸说我应该做大夫。我不想让他失望。
    我没有朋友，没有时间。爸爸说我有很多朋友，但是他们都只是同学。我的老公以后是最好的朋友。可能他说的对。
    我不想要孩子。但是我知道我得像传统的中国女生，社会告诉了我，我不可能改变。我害怕，孩子会带给我痛苦，没有自由。我没有办法。
    听说我是从安徽来的，那里我有一个姐妹。但是爸爸说我们之间的区别怎么这么大。他说我们和她不可能见面。可是我想去安徽，见我的姐妹一面，这是我唯一的生日愿望。我们必有相似，这一定是个奇迹。

    我叫小费，明天十八岁。我个子不太高，皮肤有点儿黑，眼睛也有些呆。我的头发很短，正灰色的。我的老师说我不能说："正灰色"，但是他同意，我的头发里有很多灰，他听得懂我的意思，然后他告诉我，我很聪明。我每个星期上十个小时课。在学校我跟朋友常常笑得很多。我爱学习。
    今天我不能吃饭，在县里最近生了小儿子，我们都把自己的米饭给他。可能明天我能有饭吃。
    我爱运动却不能，而且也没有时间，如果我有空，我应该帮妈妈工作。并且妈妈说今年他要给我买鞋。买了鞋我就能多运动！
    我想做保姆，但是不可能。我的妈妈说我应该马上结婚。我不想让她失望。
我没有朋友，没有时间。妈妈说朋友没有用，帮她工作有用。我的老公以后是最好的朋友。可能她说的对。
    我不要孩子，但是我知道我得像传统的中国女生，生儿子让我有用。社会告诉了我，我不可能改变。我害怕，孩子带给我痛苦，没有自由。我没有办法。
    听说我是关东来的，在那儿我有一个姐妹。但是妈妈说我们怎么怎么不一样。她说我们和她不可能见面。可是我想去关东，见我的姐妹一面，这是我唯一的生日愿望。我们有区别，但这一定是个奇迹。

梅如
十号，十二月，二零零九年

The Power of Perception

2009-11-01T08:48:57Z

It is fall here and I am stoked! I forgot how much I love seasons; changes; the fresh autumn breeze and the way it makes my nose cold and red, my cheeks tingly and my eyes runny. That wasn't sarcasm! I love it. And I love Beijing and all it's hilariousness. It is exactly this hilariousness and my current obsession with philosophy that have had me thinking a lot lately about perception: the power of it and the way we all see the world and individual moments with different eyes.

Is life simply just a hallucination? A mirage? A trip? An experiment? I hope so.

Either way, I am beginning to understand that if nothing else, it is all certainly an illusion.

Perception theorists and philosophers may not agree on a lot; but many of them do agree that the way one experiences each moment is based on the individual who is experiencing it - and pretty much nothing else. The philosophy of perception is more so the philosophical reflection of experience. The way we, as human beings, with our very limited abilities to perceive our external stimulus experience the world around us.

Philosophy in my mind is essentially a belief. It may or may not be melded with one's religion, and it certainly contains value judgments. Thus, how we perceive our environment can also be considered as what we believe to be happening at that point. Hallucinations or illusions or even an event considered to be a miracle are all simply judgments placed on the sensory stimuli. I am a bit of a science geek so I'll simply put it like this: we have five senses, all of which are quite pathetic compared to most other animals.. For example, we only see 'visible light'; hear only a fragment of sounds waves; can hardly fathom hunting with electronic pulses like sharks or with sonar echos like bats; or communicating with polarized and ultra violet light like honey bees and pacific salmon. Miracles, hallucination, and every single other experience are simply perceived experiences whereby the observer places a judgment on what is being observed - how or why their previously mentioned senses receive a stimuli and then what rules and beliefs they decide to place on that stimuli. Each experience is completely subjective to the one experiencing it. What is 'real' to the experiencer at that moment may or may not actually be real at all; but what matters is that it is real to them. So if I've never seen a boy fly, and my mum tells me they can't, i might think it is a bit strange to see one fly. In turn, that boy might believe with no shred of a doubt he can fly, and therefore might think the experience is as common place as walking along the road.

Sorry if I am boring you. Check out: http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/perception-problem/ if I have piqued your interest in this topic. For now I will wander down a reflectionary path of the things I perceive in my world around me and how that is controlled to some extent by the media sources. The way I see things, I surmise, are therefore different than how you out there are experiencing this point in time, since your senses, values, and prior experiences are different than mine and furthermore, the information you are receiving by each sense is also different. For example, I might study perception theory for a few months on my own and begin to explore it through other avenues such as conversations with friends and strangers; but ultimately it is my perception that the best description of the power of perception is (not surprisingly, Aristotelian) Indirect Realism explaining that we do not (and cannot) perceive the external world as it really is; instead we know only our ideas and interpretations of the way the world is. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Indirect_realism

More than anything lately, the perception of the world around us as told through the media (or, rather, their perceptions of their own reality) has been a major source of entertainment for me and my little brain.

I don't know how it was perceived out there in the big world, but I do know we live in a nice happy bubble of Communism here (no one's complaining, I'll tell you that!) and China's 60th birthday on October 1st was considered by everyone here a "great success". One of the greatest examples of the power of perception is a game I like to play when I compare a story from BBC, CNN and The China Daily, but for now let's just stick to the news/entertainment received on this side of the world.

http://www.china.org.cn/features/60years/2009-10/02/content_18645967.htm

http://www.china.org.cn/features/60years/node_7077150.htm

http://www.chinadaily.com.cn/china/2009-09/28/content_8743905.htm

October 1st, National Day Holiday, allowed for a week off school and work, and in typical Chinese logic, everything was closed during this time. Along with other amazing Chinese logic (you know you've live in China too long when you don't react to any of this) my top five "WTF?!" moments included:

1. Closing the entire city of Beijing AND it's public transportation. http://www.thebeijinger.com/blog/2009/09/28/Holiday-Road-Closure-Other-Shutdown-News

2. Closing the International Airport for a day - on purpose!? (Imagine New york closing JFK just for the heck of it???!)

http://www.thebeijinger.com/blog/2009/09/21/There-s-NO-escape-Airport-Closes-for-October-1

3. Bizzzilions of people (as per the photo above) then went out and about after they finally opened the city to the masses again. On Friday and Saturday, the largest public square in the world (TainAnMen) saw more than 1.5 million tourists daily, nearing its capacity limit. I was there!

4. They even closed entire provinces and regions! http://www.thebeijinger.com/blog/2009/09/22/Tibet-Closed-for-Oct-1-and-other-news

5. We further enjoyed some of the greatest rules I've yet to come across, which included but were not limited to: not being allowed to fly kites; not being allowed to take your bird out for a walk (and they managed to round up every single bird, um yeah I mean the wild ones, in the city); and not being allowed to LOOK OUT YOUR WINDOW.

Sadly I only managed to break one of these - I saw the fighter planes training for the event - IN YOUR FACE CPC!!

http://www.thebeijinger.com/blog/2009/09/21/Celebrate-Now-Jet-Fighters-Over-Beijing

Another moment that had me thinking of the Perception Principle was when I went to see my first live tennis at the China Open. I was never really sure what separated me from pro athletes until I saw Venus Williams up close. She is a monster! And they respond to serves going 200km/hr as if it is nothing. If a tennis ball came at most humans at 200km/hr, I'd be shocked if more than 2% of them would even have time to react at all.

Lastly, as per this wonderful topic of the power of perception, I spent a few minutes entertaining myself with myself recently (not what you think!) as I looked back on my blog from two years ago - my first trip to Beijing was over the 2007 National Day. Firstly I am completely embarrassed by how bad my Chinese was (I couldn't even write pinyin!) but also just how ignorant I was. I guess that is what it is all about though. My perception of this place has change a lot. But I guess my perception of everything has since then, really.

A Ted Talk on Perception

Live Learn Love

2009-09-29T12:27:02Z

Live! Learn! Love! How is this not the name of my blog all the time ~ ah, Lindy-Loo's Life will have to suffice; and yet, these three words in sequence and in combination are certainly a thread in my life; in particular over the last 10 years or so. Loving, living, learning; learning, loving, living; living, loving, learning, loving, laughing; living, leaving; learning, longing; loving, listening; listening, learning; living, losing; losing, loving; learning, letting go; listening. Leaving. Letting go. . . Hey, in case you are bored one day, look up all the words in the dictionary that start with love- a few that just made me laugh are: loving cup, lovey-dovey, lovelorn, love handles, love feast, love bite, love apple (see tomato!?).

Living and loving learning: School is amazing and I've gotten so much out of it already. I just want to scream it from the top of a mountain!!!!!! My classmates are quite varied: Indonesian, Korean, Japanese, French, Finlandish, Thai, German, Russian, Israeli (and then me, the lone native English speaker); just over one third girls; about one third over the age of 24; just under one third visually foreigners (many have chinese parents) - There are 15 of us. We have 3 teachers (speaking, listening and grammar) and I am in love with them all (especially the one who reminds me of Chandler!). We go to class from 8am to 12pm every day and get about an hour of required homework a day and I do maybe another half hour just reviewing new words, etc. So far, it's been a great choice and I am feeling a bit like a hero to myself even though I will get absolutely nothing out of it in the end and the only thing gained is the mere fact that I get to look forward to going to sleep every night because I know the next morning I get to wake up and do something I love.

My class and I out for lunch.

Ah, love. Ah, learning. Ah, life.
So school accounts for 6 hours a day - but then what!? As I mentioned before, this leaves a lot of time for thinking, reading, walking, sitting, typing, sleeping, eating, running - missing, longing, arguing, bothering, hurting, crying. . .. I've even written a few poems, songs, and random intense "blurbs" lately (yes, some of them have been depressing and angry and brutal) but a nice one is as follows:

Life is about learning
Learning is about living
Living is about loving
And loving is life.

Ok, maybe not brilliant, but the good stuff is always the really mean, angry harsh stuff, isn't it? And there's no need to share with you that side of me. And maybe someone else said this once, but I think I thought of it in this moment:

In order to live you must learn; In order to learn you must live.

Maybe you think my poems suck - if only I were as cool as Gandhi who said:
"Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever."
I may not be as eloquent, but I can certainly agree.

Today I am going to try to explain a concept, though please forgive me (Linda, I am writing this apology to you for later in life when you look back at this and blush or laugh at yourself for being so naive, stupid, and truthful) for these thoughts have not yet completely formed; though I feel like I need to write them and put them out there now - maybe some of you can relate or learn from them in their infancy, and maybe by writing them to you and hearing your feedback, I will begin to refine them a bit more.

I will start by saying that life seems to always be offering me two extremes: this job you hate for lots of money vs no job and no money but doing what makes you happy; this man with all of these great qualities but unable to love you vs this man who gives you so much of what you can't buy and yet may never be able to provide for you. Why it seems like this to me, I don't know - maybe everyone is also always offered these two obvious extremes all the time but they often don't see them clearly or don't choose to see them. Either way, seeing these extremes on both hands to either take or leave, I've noticed my decision making processes changing as of late. The values I chose in order to determine what I decide are based on what I want my future to be like: what I want to be like in the future and more importantly what I want the world to be like.

I wrote a blog on HongKong last year and pulled Maslow's hierarchy of needs through its thread. I've again been thinking of this concept a lot; but this time it's been solely on the topic of Love. There is no doubt there is a similar Hierarchy of Love. For now we can call this McGrew's Hierarchy of Love.

I've fallen in love a lot in my life and every time it's been different (like the time fell in love with that pair of shoes, and the other time I fell in love with my mom for the thousandth time). No, really, every time I've been in a relationship, the love I have felt has had a different feeling. At first I thought my ability to love another person was getting stronger, deeper, and better as I matured and as I experienced it more. But looking back, the love I've experienced over time has not necessarily improved or gotten more intense - it has just all been different - different things both out on the table and locked in the closet. But maybe, just maybe, it has evolved in a way that can sort of be described by some sort of Hierarchy of needs or wants or depth. Look again at the dictionary and this time check the definition of love. The one I am looking at now gives 8 definitions of the noun and 5 of the verb; all of which are disconnected in some way and all of which can bee seen on some sort of scale of intensity.

Furthermore, think of the history of the last 5000 years or so. What did people look for in a mate and why? who were the ones choosing mates and how? I'm no anthropologist, but I can hazard an educated guess that they were looking for things like: protection from predators; protection of resources for their offspring; the ability to source these resources and provide this protection; in other words: food, water, shelter. 2000 years ago or so (again, I am no historian, just making an educated generalization) I can imagine as some groups became more agrarian and settled down and went from hunting and gathering to staying in one spot, families began marrying their offspring; whole families chose a mate (or sold their daughters) based on family status, family background, family resources, dates, birthdays, the stars, etc. Some thousand years ago, as some majority populations began to pursue things like art, music, education and the like, and there became more of an upper class (class system in general), or exploration of new lands (exploration in general) perhaps in some very unique circles people were able to begin making their own choices using their 'heart'. But I hate to judge that this was no more than instinct coupled with thought - men asked the woman's father for her hand - women had no choice in the matter for the most part - and on most continents until about 100 years ago (save the matriarch's and communes in a variety of country's histories) women came into play in the decision of a wife solely as the subject of a sentence if they were lucky.

Over the last few hundred years we've settled in the new worlds; science has become mainstream knowledge; people have become more and more comfortable with having 'excess' let alone 'enough' - we've all quickly seen even more of an evolution of the mating game: from sexual and natural selection coupled with thoughts of family circles to parent and friend's opinions, religion, educational background, financial resources, and oh my god here we have it - throw something completely new in: women can now also play a role in this choice. This brings us to the last 50 years or so in human history. I'd say my grandparent's generation were still very practical and love has been something they've 'grown into' and 'built'. Then my parent's generation was very much built on peace and love and all that great Hippie stuff, yet things like values really came into play as did future plans, goals, children, desires, etc. I think that my generation in the West seems to think we can all choose who we are with - OK, we choose our mate - but what senses are we using to make this choice? Are we still using old instincts? sexual selection? family values? our brains? Are we just fooling ourselves that we even choose? Then there's the whole concept of the world getting smaller, and lots of confusing social and cultural pressures! And yet, maybe there is another step or two possible in this evolution; this hierarchy. Someone has probably already written a book on this. And for now I will try to stop talking in huge generalizations, and I will explore this issue keeping in my mind the last few months of my own personal life . . . or so.

Getting back to the concept of being offered two extremes. I often attract men into my life who meet me very intensely on a mental level - who challenge me, teach me, learn from me and make me want to prove myself. I mistake this for some sort of healthy relationship and some sort of thing I want in my personal life. I mean, yeah sure I want friends like this. Of course I want mental stimulation and I want to get into debates and earn and offer advice at the same time as receiving it. But that is not love - nor is it the basis for it. Sadly, it took me almost this long to realize this. I also seem to attract men into my life whom I can't have. This might be in the form of being married to someone else; or more simply just so self involved they don't even realize I am there, waiting with my heart on my sleeve. It is like I require this challenge to try to break through a barrier; again trying to prove I am worthy of them or some other such misconception. Maybe this comes from some sort of childhood memory or experience, but regardless, I really, really, want to grow out of this! I've grown out of the "Bad Boy" phase; out of the "Hot Jock" phase; out of the "Emo Musician" phase, out of the "Best Friends Forever" phase, and most recently I can say with certainty the "Age, Experience and Power" phase is behind me. But, the "Want-Him-Cause-I-Can't-Have-Him" phase is one that I still need to contend with; and the "I'll-Love-You-But-You-Won't-Love-Me-In-Return" phase had better be over soon or I might lose my mind for good! What's happened to me recently is I seem to be very quickly reliving all of these phases - in sequence - as reminders of what I don't want or need. In fact, it's been frightening the amount of men who have presented themselves to me (2009 has been a really crazy year!) in order to re-teach me old lessons. It hurts, man!
But I tell myself nothing worth learning is easy; life isn't easy; it'll all be worth the struggle in the end.

I am so blessed to have friends in my life who also seem to be going through similar phases and exponential growth. I was speaking to one about the most recent cause for disillusionment, and she told me I would never get what I want unless I know what I want. Furthermore, she told me to write down all the things I want in a partner, and all the things I require. I thought about that on and off for a bit, not really planning on doing it, but after a few days of rolling it over in my subconscious, I got home from a long run, and feverishly started to write in this exact order:

adventurous, knowledgeable, open minded, a good listener, wise, spiritual, curious, physically fit, active, healthy, unconditionally loving, supportive, non judgmental, desires to make me happy, attentive, a desire to always learn, a desire to attain their ideal, giving, loving, fearless, passionate about life, lives life to the fullest, happy, fulfilled, unique, not a 'project', successful in their own way, environmentally friendly, funny, good communicator, dependable, punctual, reliable

I looked at this list and though: 1. wow, that's a long list; 2. I wonder if other people (my mum, old boyfriends, current friends) would be surprised by this list; 3. I wonder how true I am being to myself; 4. I wonder if I had to pick the top 5 what they would be.

And then I wondered for a few more days.

When you allow yourself a moment to sit, to listen, to learn, live, and love, you are given answers. Maybe these answers come from some sort of all powerful Energy, the Universe, a God; but more likely they come from You. Not only you, but from the most important part of you (a part that we never learn how to or practice listening to) YOUR HEART.

And in a rare moment of listening from my heart, I was given this answer:
I want to be loved so deeply; admired so fervently; adored with such intensity that the rest are just details. Writing a list of what I want in a partner is completely useless because they are all just words, just beach glass that can be rolled around in the sand, molded, lost, stolen, broken - but, love - the love I want to give and the love I want to receive: unimaginable love like the love a mother feels for her child or the love couples feel for one another after 50 years of struggle - this is what matters; this is all that matters - I am afraid to say it; afraid to put it out there - but i think I have it - I think I see it - and maybe it requires a bit more work; a bit more heartache and a bit more learning - but there is a new level I have suddenly become aware of ~ The level of The Heart.

So how do I find this love (though, I do know in my heart I have found it once already - all the more reason to have faith!). I think rather than writing a list of things I want and going through it like buying the groceries, a good start is to ask myself these three simple questions:
Does this person love my heart the way it needs to be loved?
Does this person's heart allow me to love them they way I want to share my heart with someone else?
Does this person have the same heart - does their heart match my own?

The main realization has been this: Ultimately, no matter how many values, ambitions, thoughts, jokes, physical attraction I might share with someone else, if these three initial questions cannot be answered with a resounding YES (from the top of a mountain!) then the rest are useless details of check marks on the side of a list that will either band-aid issues for a while or mask others forever - but I will never be truly with someone I want to be with (someone who makes me happier, better, myself - and in turn allows me to flourish, to be a better person, and to help make the world a better place, which of course I would return with the same unfathomable unconditional forever-no-matter-what-love that allows them to feel like they can do anything and be anyone because they are loved and supported by someone whose heart is equal to their own) unless their heart matches mine.

Now, although this may have been a bit of a breakthrough for me, it might be completely old news to you. So if it is, I have a few curious questions that I'd like to ask you: In order to love someone, is it true you need to first love yourself ? Or can someone show you how lovable you are and thus the love between you grows and grows like one of those strange white crystals? Is love an inherent ability that we are all born with? If we are born with all the tools to love someone from our heart, is this then over time replaced by fear? How and why does our brain get in the way? Does this love I aspire to have require time and experience to 'earn' it? Or is it possible that someone could just love me like that?

So there you have it: a brief synapse of Mcgrew's Hierarchy of Love.
Maybe the next step in the evolution of relationships, love, sexual and natural selection is exactly this: just listening to that one thing and looking for only one thing: that other heart out there that matches your own. I know, it sounds ridiculous, most of you have probably laughed out loud a few times to this (but it is only your own fear you are laughing at so to you I laugh, ha!) and I hope if nothing else, reading my fumblings through life helps you learn something about your fumblings through life - otherwise there'd be no point in my writing this; nor in you reading it.

A Shameless Plug

2009-09-16T11:53:32Z

The OrangOrang Project

--Real Beauty Is Ethical --

A deciding factor in my moving to BeiJing to study Chinese full time as a 'Foreign Exchange Student' (loving the ridiculousness of this, by the way) was for me to be able to spend more time and energy on The OrangOrang Project. We are technically half a year old now; and legally 3 months old. Over the last few weeks, Cat and I have been going into hyper drive: the catalogue for next summer is available; I've been reprogramming the website and we now have a wholesaler page for distributors to purchase from and the website is three seconds away from the average Joe being able to purchase our product online and pay for it through paypal.

SHOP NOW!

I've had some major brainstorms involving both good and bad ideas this past bit, and Cat has also been creating and moving and shaking - hence these new marketing pics, to be printed into brochures after the kinks have been worked out. Cat is being kept out of trouble preparing me for a huge Fashion Show and Trade Show in Shanghai in the middle of October; Hana is being kept out of trouble preparing for her wine and dine in Vancouver this weekend as well as art show in Victoria next month; and the rest of us are just balancing on that tipping point between fun and stress.

More and more these days I've been feeling like this project is really going to work. Now we just need people to buy our stuff! Please, check out the website every once in a while for updates; and please feel free to send me an email with your suggestions or questions. With everyone's help, we can really make a difference!

www.orangorangproject.com

PS, Cat, this guy is a keeper ~ live and let live!

Ok, really, go to our site now

Feminism, Idealism, Education, and A Few Other Privileges

2009-09-07T05:08:57Z

I am living in Beijing! Settling in quite nicely with way too much time on my hands - which of course only leads to too much thinking - and thus this massive blog posting. I ran to the Olympic Stadium and Bird's Nest this morning (13km round trip which by Beijing standards is right next door) and during my run I thought enough to solve the world's problems and then some in the hour and a half. So where do I start?! Whaaaahaaa!

Well, to no surprise I've been reading a lot. With more time on my hands than I've had in a long time I've been very lonely and unable to sleep, but this extra time also offers a great opportunity to sit, read, go for a walk and reflect - have long talks mainly with myself, bu also with the occasional old and new friend. I really should try to do more of that (the new friends thing). And some of you should try calling me! This reminds me, I had my first visitor last week - a friend from WuHan was on route back 'home' and stayed with me (hostess, tour guide, illegal immigrant extraordinaire) for a few days. Undoubtedly, we found ourselves at the friendly neighbourhood bar (vowing not to drink for the month of September was Kyboshed September 2nd upon his arrival and a great realization that I was a student, living on campus, and it was the first month of school - it's simply my responsibility to drink - not to mention they give girls three free drinks at the door AND they have Pimm's - they had me at 'hello') and through the course of some good fun, I thought to myself that this was just another privilege, of which I could go into great detail to explain to you; but instead I have three main privileges I want to talk about today, of which ultimately all have me traveling down the road of Gratitude and Love for Life - so let's get to 'em!

Having an English-speaking friend here over the weekend gave me an opportunity to reflect and chat about a few other privileges on my mind since traveling to the UK. One conversation was a little bit like this:
Me: So this guy I went to see in England thinks I am a feminist.
Him: Ha! The most women's rights-hating feminist I've ever met!
Me: I don't want to be treated special or worse just because I've got boobs.
Him: yeah me neither.
Me: Right, so this guy also thinks I am an Idealist. I've never really thought about that.
Him: Linda, if someone tries labeling you as anything at all, they don't know you.
Me: So you don't think I am an Idealist? I kinda like the idea.
Him: The most cynical idealist I've ever met.
Me: So, I'm not a feminist or an idealist? What am I then?
Him: You're a bra-burning, 'we can do it' women's rights activist in your right baby finger; a socially responsible, ethical, selfless human right's activist in your left baby finger; then you are Linda McGrew everywhere else: Pure Contradiction.
Me: Hey, wait a minute, I thought we agreed last night it is not so much contradiction as it is centralism; I am a centrist so I can always see both sides - and I try to have compassion and understanding for both sides.
Him: yeah, until you get pissed and bitchy.
Me: whooyiaow! Pijiushijiandaole! 啤酒时间到了！translation: It's time for us to go have a beer.

Maybe at this point you're feeling confused at this thread that I've tried to weave of privileges (I'm sorry, I do that - I'm confused too and am only now realizing that confusion seems to be my general state and i am even confused that it took me so long to figure that out) but I will type out something I wrote into the front of a book I just finished reading (The Good Women of China) in order to explain to you the link between privilege and feminism; or me being a 'feminist'.

Aug 29, 09
Someone recently called me a feminist; to which I replied with hysterical laughter. What, because I think women should have equal opportunities, I am a man-hating, fist-pumping, so called 'feminist'? And, maybe I am! But two years ago, prior to moving to China - a country that cannot be understood in one blind swoop generalization but certainly can be said to have it's fair share of equality issues as well as sexual and sexism frustrations - I thought I hated feminists and their 'women's only gyms' and 'women's days'. Over the last two years here I have seen and heard a lifetime of heartache from the women of China; some close friends, others beggars on the streets. Here, I am much more aware of a need for equality as well as a need for a voice for these human beings - burdened by so much for the sole reason that they were born without a Y chromosome. China has taught me a lot. And the women of China; their struggle and confusion; have taught me even more. I read this book and again and again feel their pain so deeply. We may look different but we are ALL 99.999999% the same; genetically and otherwise. This book does a great job to promote awareness of certain issues that both women from developed (and thus apparently equal) countries as well as developing (such as China) encounter every day. Rape, molestation, expectations, requirements; being made to feel inferior and useless all in the name of being 'just a girl'. These are all things that every woman (and I'd hope any man who chooses to) can relate to on some level. So, then, what makes someone a feminist? I'd like to define a feminist in this context as someone who gives a voice to those who do not have one; someone who pursues painful issues and burden's themselves with others' pain in an attempt to help; someone who supports those (emotionally and otherwise) who are less fortunate. This is my definition - and we all should be so fortunate to be able to shoulder this burden and to call ourselves such a blasphemous word.
I am a Feminist!

Furthermore, I will be exploring this Idealism thing in the next while. Oddly enough, after being only recently informed of this concept, I got an email from a very close friend the other day, and she wrote to me: "You are right to expect the best, we are passionate and idealists, I think we need men like that too; ones that will do anything to be with us and value our idealism" So this concept of being an idealist is new to me, but the idea of me being one to others is quite apparently not. Similarly to being labeled a feminist, being labeled an idealist has me exploring my own definition of the word as well as others'.
So far, I can say this: walking around University campuses all over the world has always brought me so much joy and comfort. I was feeling this warmth and feeling of belonging just yesterday while I walked through my campus and I started wondering why I always get this great feeling. And I think it is because at University there are so many young, brilliant minds that have not yet been jaded by 'realists' or have not been told to give up their dreams yet or have not started running the race and getting stuck in it. They are at their best and they are living their lives with passion and dreams and following both. This is my definition of an idealist.
And why wouldn't I want to spend more time with people like this?!
And why, too, wouldn't I want to be one?
Furthermore, why wouldn't I want to be the type of person that I would want to spend time with?!

Moreover, on the topic of me wandering around campus, education is a privilege. Now, this one, I'd guess a lot more of you will be familiar with and able to relate to. Firstly, it is expensive! I have paid my next 6 months of tuition; my next 4 months of rent; and even planning for all this, I still had to seriously dip into the reserves and get a second part time job (which brings me to the usual total of 3 jobs; 4 if you include being a student). I don't feel I need to explain this one to you as much as many of you have either put someone through University or been through it yourselves, but, I will lead into a link between this and illegal immigration; yet another thing I've not only taken for granted but also not understood my whole life.

Now, the ability to speak enough Chinese whereby after a full day of interrogation, a few trips in police cars, and a final stop at the PSB, I was able to explain my way out of a 2500RMB fine - explain it down to a minor slap on the wrist, which also involved a drive home since the officer lived 'on the way', made me realize the ramification of a variety of things I take for granted and am thankful for. After this experience, among other things, I understand a lot more now what it must be to live as an illegal immigrant.
It would absolutely suck.
For over a week, every time I saw a police car, I froze; every time I heard a siren, my heart would skip a beat. I could not get hurt or I'd be found out at the hospital; could not travel without papers; and no staying at hotels here without a valid visa. The list goes on. These people I have found a bit bothersome in the past in Canada (not paying taxes, working under the table, using the roads, services, etc I pay for) I will from this day forward have compassion for. They cannot take a single risk; cannot get hurt or need medical care; cannot have an identity, or a life, essentially. Life would have to be unbearable where they've come from in order to live in a constant state of fear and guilt.
Imagine what you'd have to move from in order to choose to live in this state?!?

Anyways, after all this and all that, I got a call from a friend the other day asking me how I was because he knew I'd been going through a rough patch with the visa stuff and also just being in a new city all alone and all. I had already been on the verge of tears for days and with his call proceeded to bumble through tearful sorrow after sorrow to which he just kept replying "I know, I know, it'll be OK." It was all I needed to hear in order to fall to the floor in the fetal position, bawling and incoherent (I'm in a glass cage of emotion!). And ultimately it was all i really need to hear at all.
Once I got myself together (there was a point I didn't think that would ever happen) and thanked him for the call, he wisely and eloquently reminded me that it is my choice to be here doing this. It is my choice to be on the road less traveled; to struggle.
He finished with, "Don't forget, McGrew, you love the struggle - It's what gets you off -"
"Yeah, you're right," I said, "just another privilege."

The UK in August: A Tribute to 900 Year Old Churches and Blown Out Waves

2009-08-28T05:26:00Z

As to be expected but never prepared enough for, so many things have happened in China in my first three days back; it is hard to imagine I was so recently living in the lap of luxury (in so many ways - you'd have to move to china all alone to truly understand). If I even begin with the story of what I refer to as The Visa Debauchery, I'll hardly even get to the part where I slept in a beauty parlor 'massage ' room (oh look, a police officer just passed me with one of the ladies of the night for a quick doughnut break) on the third night (which is as I write this) before I reach my 500 word count maximum; my attention threshold and likely that of most of the people who read this.
In fact, I think I'll keep these stories of The VD to myself for now - the last three days and likely the next few as well have been too much to even put into words - believe me, I looked in the thesaurus.
At least right now the light in the massage room is a comfortable dimness and the rhythmic squeaking sound in the room to my left is so near that of a heartbeat or clock - oh hey, the clock on the wall in here doesn't work - that I am of course focusing on all the wonderful things around me to be grateful for and thinking it is quite hilarious and in this moment finding a perfect opportunity to reflect on (more like gain comfort from) the last three weeks in the UK.

For those of you who don't know, I'll first give you a quick run down: I flew into London from Halifax early August; spent a few days getting the ZZZ's and respite I'd be longing for in Marlow and around Windsor Castle area; a quick jaunt to London; double date with 'mum and dad'; drinking with the boyz from rugby; 900 year old church; history lessons; spent an unforgettable weekend in Cornwall with Frase; 7 or so 900 year old churches and 2 stunning sunsets - Tag team on to Neil who drove me over 1000 miles in order to explore every major surf break in Cornwall: st Ives, Land's end, Penzance, Holleywell bay, etc. Western England, and Wales for a week - TO NO AVAIL; skim boarded instead; hiked and watched sunset along Llangenntih / Rhossili on the Gower Peninsula; spent a day or so around Reading and Winchester; met the fam. - Tag teamed back into the arms of Fraser just West of London; family dinner; packed all our useful earthly possessions and hit the road for a road trip up to Scotland (another +1000 mile journey); slight detour in Londond first (VD issue - visa debauchery - what did you think it stood for!~); explored the Western pieces of Scotland; Glasgow; Loch Lomond; Isle of Mull; popped into Edinburgh (900 year old church!) before heading back to the home base for a last breath of Westernness, rest, relaxation, and gratitude; busted to London at the end of August to catch the last possible plane that would let me into China with a practically expired residency permit and a pretty well expired Canadian passport. Whew!

As with much of the traveling I have done over the last few years, I find myself looking back at my most recent adventure and really noting that it is ALWAYS the people and not the place that makes it memorable (thank you for 'being'!). I have also mentioned in a recent post that sometimes things are too special to put into words, take pictures of, write notes about, or tell anyone else about. For me, anyways, I fear there is no way to explain it properly or that if explained it to you I might lose some of the memory in my breath, or even change it in my mind as I think of it again. So I'm holding a lot back on this one. But I'll share some good pics nonetheless. (though in some weird coincidence, the battery of my camera died both within the first 5 minutes in London and again in Scotland).

As I said, it all started in little ol' Marlow. A beautiful place along the Thames. More than a few drinks and walks along this river were had. Probably of no coincidence, yes, this and a few other churches in town are 900 years old.
From Marlow, a quick and painless few hours of driving (which to people in the UK is like a week long drive to us Canadians) had us out of the hustle bustle and into Cornwall; what I imagine all of England must have been like 100 years ago.
Going, going, gone.

The next three pics are in the top 5 of my whole trip. Frase and I went on a full-day walk along the coast here, and then celebrated our sunburns with just a bit of the local beer.

Coincidentally, we also had a beer across the way here in Padstow (I could live there). Fireworks, a brass band, and can can dancers turned it from a perfect moment to absolutely perfect. While on the topic, how could I forget telling y'all about the beer in England~ Well, it's good... real good... I wanna be friends with it.
Tribute, ah, Tribute (also I loved Pimm's but then found out it is a Posh English drink and if I am going to go all out Scottish I've got to pretend not to like it so don't tell anyone - damn that undeniable expensive taste of mine).

After the tag off at the end of the weekend in Cornwall, where Fraser left running for his life and Neil looked at me only slightly frightened, Neil and I set off to St Ives and Land's End (i could also live here) where we slept in farmer's fields in a self-erecting tent (why didn't I think of that!) for the week of adventure.

Neil and I tried our best to find something resembling a swell and waves. Neil's imagination must be better than mine (oh to be young again!), and he got out a few times.
And we did manage to both get out in this. Yep, desperation can do a lot to a girl's standards.

After a few more days of disappointing surf yet gorgeous beaches and good times, we went to The Eden Project. I can't say enough about the importance of places like this. Google it if you're interested. Me 'n Skippy had a good time.

I think we also made the best of the lack of swell when we bought skim boards.
neilskimmin.MPG
Neil was a natural, but you know what they say: those who can't do, teach. Story of my life.

We finally thought maybe it'd be better if we try our luck in another country (the 4th country Neil and I have been to together) and sadly, in this country we also failed to find surfable waves. However, we did find another great sunset along the Gower, during which I was sure to show Neil how older, more refined women like their wine.
In a bottle.

You may be surprised to find out that Wales is not all sheep and cliffs (though there are plenty of both); there's also the odd castle. And a lot of cold wind.

All in all, Neil, I guess we should've been there yesterday; or the week before; or maybe the month before.

This is surfing in the UK - In August!~!
#$%^. Put a jacket on!

After some time with Neil's family, and just enough time for Fraser to forget the pains of being with me 24-7 ( don't women say that about giving birth~), I was allowed back to Marlow for a family gathering then we started our journey to The Mother Land. Wow, Scotland.
It is tough not to go into detail about the history of this place. I am going to assume it is all quite familiar to you. And by now you know there are a zillion or so 900 year old churches. Hadrian's wall was a pretty exciting little find on route. For more info check out: http://www.aboutscotland.co.uk/hadrian/index.html

Scotland is by far the most all-encompassing place I've ever been to. It's culture and history coupled with the people, food and natural scenery by far rival any place I've been in my life. It's got it all. And I want more!



serendipity: 1754 (but rare before 20c.), coined by Horace Walpole (1717-92) in a letter to Mann (dated Jan. 28); he said he formed it from the Persian fairy tale "The Three Princes of Serendip," whose heroes "were always making discoveries, by accidents and sagacity, of things they were not in quest of." The name is from Serendip, an old name for Ceylon (modern Sri Lanka), from Arabic Sarandib, from Skt. Simhaladvipa "Dwelling-Place-of-Lions Island." Serendipitous formed c.1950.

Pint and a Pourd

2009-08-06T18:02:40Z

Going back to your own country isn't easy. Most of you reading this have no idea what I mean by this; what it is like to reject your own culture, language and essentially family and friends for another form of all of these things. In this rejection it is not the environment that should be considered that which is rejected; rather, it is the rejector that is receiving the rejection. Right, that doesn't make sense. But it is the best I can do to explain the confusion I felt for my entire three week trip back 'home'. Couple this confusion and rejection and distaste for everything around you (and for no real reason) and then imagine yourself with your two parents, at any point in your adult life, just the three of you. Then, put the three of you into a car and drive for 3000km through an area none of you have been. I think it is safe to say that most of you at this point can at the very least understand a bit of the potential for my discomfort; most of you understand you would not be all too settled, nor ecstatic to say the least in this situation. That's not to say my parents aren't the coolest out there. They are amazing human beings and I am fortunate to have any moment with them.

But I'll tell you, due to all the previously mentioned environmental factors, it wasn't an easy trip. Unfortunately as it stands right now in my mind and where I'm at right now in the process of processing this trip; this is what I will remember most about it.

There have been many times in China this year where I was smiling and laughing so much my face hurt. I'd smile so much during a week or month that I started worrying about the wrinkles I will (and do) get at the sides of my eyes. These last few weeks in Canada I noticed my face making quite a different set of wrinkles; those ones between the eyebrows; finding my face in a worried-scowl. Where I grew up and should feel most comfortable and at ease, I suddenly remembered how to worry; suddenly remembered how to make a face that at points this past year I'd not have been able to make if I tried for days. Was it not only 3 posts ago where I wrote a long-winded letter home saying how much I missed it~ Always wanting what I can't have. Can I get over that already!~ So why, then, once I am back home and with people who love me, (and of course I love them!) am I so unhappy and unrelaxed~ DO I regress back into some state or states I've endured in the past - or do I just not belong~

While I was back in Canada, I felt like I was out running beside a partner - but we're both running at different paces and both trying to accommodate one another - in the end neither person has a good run (one too tired, one not at all or a variety of consequences) the footsteps the entire time never connecting; never in synch. I wrote in my traveling diary that "I am not myself here in my own country. I am a lesser person - I say things I don't mean; I say mean things. I do not feel settled. I do not feel happy. I feel like I am handcuffed, blindfolded, and being pushed into a cage.I don't want to communicate with anyone here. They can't offer me anything and I don't want them to suck all that I can offer them out of me."

Wow, intense, eh~ It is no wonder I felt a little less than my happy-go-lucky self. However, it would be very uncharacteristic of me to not only start but also leave on a negative note. So I must say that it wasn't ALL bad!

Halfway between the equator and the north pole, my mum and dad and I explored (read: ate, drank and drove our way through) Nova Scotia and PEI. The culture and history in the Maritimes blew my mind. For example, Samuel de Champlain actually landed on the very land I bought when he first arrived to the new world!

On our second day exploring my property (called "the cling" by the locals) we brought a box of goodies (axe for the trees, chissle for the gold, matches for the cold, etc) and hid it on my property for the next time. And I wrote in my first ever 'cabin journal'.

We had some good times, most of which involved beer and the occasional Pourd.

But as the wise Homer Simpson once said: "alcohol - the cause and the solution to all of life's problems."
And maybe one day someone will quote the wise Phil McGrew as saying: "You've gotta watch out for those Fisticuff's."

Besides my gorgeous property and all the gold on it, we saw some of the more beautiful parts of Canada, like Cape Breton, for instance.

We found things we planned on finding (like peggy's cove, the Halifax citadel, a unesco heritage site or two and some fossils in the side of a cliff); and other's we'd have ever expected to come across; both of which made for some great photo-ops.

We did things I'd never thought I'd do (um, a bus that turns into a boat then back into a car!) and we got to see and learn about most of Nova Scotia, which at times made me proud to be Canadian as I learned about some of the history; but more often embarrassed about the way things were - and are still being - done (google: Mi'kmaq). Oh, wait, trailing down the dark road of cynicism again... And how could I forget the food! (phewf! back on track!) 2 lb lobsters, a bowl of mussels, lobster rolls, nachos, nachos, nachos, nachos.

I also took a side trip or two while home. The highlights were seeing my Granny in Ontario.

And chillin with Gina and her peeps in New York.

All the while, finding beauty both in simplicity and chaos.

And mostly trying not to go crazy.

Le Tour De Chine

2009-07-13T09:08:25Z

How does one sum up a cross-china-three-week-cycle-tour armed with 489 pictures, hundreds of stories, thousands of memories, and one, only mildly traumatized traveling partner? I guess we'll find out. That which follows is the story of he Blue Biatch and the Red Rager. - well, the stuff we agreed to tell our parents about, anyways.

For the last three weeks, Jenn and I embarked on easily the craziest thing I've ever done. Ok, ok, I've definitely done worse; but they are, or have been, single and secluded events, which were then subsequently followed by calmer moments (albeit brief). This trip, however, was honestly a twenty-plus-day-non-stop-death-wish. It all really got started here, in JiaYuGuan, Gansu province, known as the 'mouth' of China; the Silk Road being the throat into this vast and complex belly and body.

Over three weeks we traveled almost the entire width of China by bicycle, foot, bus, car, taxi, flatbed truck, motorbike, three-wheeled car, kabuki cab, and train.

Armed with a Chinese-only Atlas, a bike, helmet, gas mask, camera, toilet paper, two pairs of shorts, three shirts, and one bra each (don' ask about the rest) - we never got sick of the Chenglish; were overly sensitive to 'helloooo!', drank all consumed calories in beer at the end of every day; speculated on the future of china and in turn the world; had our pictures taken a few thousand times but only signed a number of autographs.

Ate and drank things you don't want to imagine and things you could spend and entire lifetime never getting enough of. We often rocked an average 30kms and hour on our bikes and felt like machines after 100+km days; then struggled to stay upright on a 3000ft climb whilst throwing up all morning (oh, wait, that was just me).

Stared at into submission; stared at into frustration; cared for like family, yelled at like felons, ordered around like animals; and served hand over head over foot in order to try to please.

Met one belly-buddah-baba, a family who'd never seen a camera, let alone mp3 Oakley sunglasses, a mouse, a man with a stick yelling at the white devils to get out of his town, a man who'd never seen foreigners eat with chopsticks, and women who felt the need to teach us how to shower properly.

Lived like queens in moments and then pushed ourselves like slaves in the next; spent too much money or time on some things and not nearly enough on others; and only came near to killing each other a few times (which is saying a lot for two independent-to-a-fault strong minded girls like us).

Saw things most people in the world can't imagine; took part in others most Chinese have only heard rumors of; and paid to see cultural relics any country would beam with pride to have. Buddhist temples, 1,000-year-old Tombs, hairy hay trucks and hanging monestaries - we were into anything unknown, unseen, unconquered.

Cycled along the great wall, Silk Road, yellow river all in one week - rolled on through the Hexi corridor, past the Gobi and Tennger deserts, hiked one of he world's most sacred mountains, and I got to see my first real wild camel in the next!

Yes, we got lost more times than I'd like to remember - roads just end; are closed without warning; massive 6 lanes highways come out of nowhere; and the signs erected in order to notify users of such things are essentially nonexistent.

I tried my best at tour guide and translator, food and culture connoisseur, history buff and rationalizer of all Chinese backward logic (including and certainly not limited to the 'un'cultural revolution, 'communist' party, walking backwards, the one child policy, and split-pants). Jenn tried to her best a letting someone else do things for her for once; and not having to know everything all the time. Sometimes we succeeded, but more than often we failed.

Because of all this, it wasn't just traveling. It wasn't just cycle touring. It wasn't just learning. It wasn't just viewing things and leaving them slightly less ignorant.

Instead, it was experiencing; listening; changing; ebbing and flowing; cursing, pushing, falling and getting back up. It was more than most could handle, and less than either of us have been through before. It was a lesson or more in gratitude; another in compassion; letting go; loving, holding back, coping, and putting our big girl pants on. And maybe, just maybe, we learned a few other things on the way too.

May-June and One of Life's Two Certainties

2009-06-10T05:29:33Z

I don't know if I have ever felt so unmotivated to write my blog; or even write in general.

It's not that things aren't happening or I haven't been traveling; but I don't know. . . I kinda feel a bit embarrassed these days about writing so openly and honestly and then posting on the internet. It could be that I have been finding out recently that quite a few people in my life here in Wuhan read my blog. That's really embarrassing because I don't want them to know 'the other sides'. As I have said before, I really just write this for my family and friends at home as well as random special people I have met along the road of life. But anyways, what can you do? It could also be a variety of other things - many of which are touched on below.

I thought since I've not written in a while (but I will write a lot during July and August) that I'd do a little clean up of things gone on in May and June, as well as a little update on the next few years' plans.

As I mentioned, I've not failed to write due to any lack of things to say. A lot has been going on in my 'love life' (let's put that in quotations for a variety of reasons that you can all just speculate on silently) which include an old but new character who almost has me considering changing my Facebook status from « single » - the issue is, there are no Facebook status choices that can explain 'sort of not really too single anymore but will be temporarily whilst traveling and upon return may not necessarily be single again' The point here is I am thinking about it - ok - that is a big step for me so let's just go with that.

Furthermore, I have been on a few fun 'dates' recently (again, the quotation marks are up to you to decipher, but I'd say you can just take the meaning to refer to not-so-serious events) One date in particular was to the Communist Party's National Ballet. Holy smokes I wish I'd smuggled a camera in along with the vodka. It was amazing. Although it was my first ballet and thus my perception of quality might not be as seasoned as some; but I'd say it was the most impressive show I've been to - possibly in my life. To make it even more interesting, it was about a female soldier in China over the last 70 or so years of China's history. There was no shortage of Communist Party propaganda which had both me and my date squirming in discomfort and giggling in shock. But this was overridden a hundred times by the absolutely stunning dancers, costumes and music. While I am on the topic I must say there is again something strange going on in the stars - EVERY person who has entered my life in the last while is a Gemini. Why are Gemini men attracted to me? Maybe I am the only person who puts up with their shenanigans. In fact, I love Gemini shenanigans - but I would certainly not want them in a situation that I can't readily get out of whenever I want.

Moreover, in the relationship section of today's entry, I mustn't forget to mention May and AP's wedding.

I traveled to Suzhou and Shanghai last weekend to take part in May and AP's second wedding (they will have three: one in May's home town; one in their hometown and one in AP's hometown) . Being back in Shanghai and Suzhou reminded me a bit of last year but the only nostalgia I felt had to do with the woman who used to do my nails. Again - I don't know what I want; but I certainly know what I don't want. Anyways, the weekend was great and it was fun to see some of my old students and friends.

What's more, the day after the wedding, I was blessed to be part of one of the most special moments of my life. Sometimes I have moments that I just can't write about. I can't take pictures of because in the moment I don't even consider thinking about anything else but being there and soaking it all in. I don't want to even talk about moments like this for fear of releasing the specialness or memory from my brain through my mouth. In saying that I'll just say thank you, May and AP for making me feel so accepted and comfortable and loved.

Bliss.

I love you guys, man!

I could say another reason why I've not written in my blog is I don't have a camera. It was stolen about 2 months ago then a friend gave me his spare but then his wife found out and forced him to get it back. So I've been cameraless for a month. No big deal except my stories kinda suck without visual stimulation in the form of either my pictures or my face and hand expressions. It is a sad state of affairs that was going to rectified this past weekend in Shanghai but instead I bought a bike. Anyways, luckily May and AP have a camera.

About a month ago, May, AP, Chandler and I traveled to Xian. I was the tour guide (the Xian specialist between the 4 of us) and we got to explore all my favorite Chinese things there: culture, history, old walls, relics, minority groups, religions - oh, and speaking of religions:

Chandler and I tried our hand at being Muslim. I liked it. Then I found out we couldn't drink beer.

The idea was immediately KYBOSHED - but not before we drank beer in our new hats secretly in the hotel room.

A few other random thoughts over the last month or so before I let you go:

The Tiennamen Square Massacre's 20th Anniversary was last week. For almost 4 days all of China had no email, no facebook, no youtube, not wikipedia and no access to most news sources. But, of course the following week we completely forgot about any sort of injustice in Beijing only 20 years prior and wouldn't consider at all mentioning this to friends via email nor looking up stories or blogs from the previous week. I wonder sometimes if the Chinese government thinks we're all complete idiots - or, if most people just are?

Yes, we all will get old and die - it is one of two of lifes certainties. The other certainty is change. And Change is something I am progressively getting more and more comfortable with. In saying that (and sorry to some of you who are hearing this for the first time through this media - it's not that I don't love you!) but plans have changed for me. I am no longer returning to Wuhan. BUT my plan is to return to China (how can I not - I love it here!). I'll 95% likely be heading up to Beijing for school (although the pic above that i took this year only a block from tiennamen reminds me the air there is not so great) and to work a bit on the IELTS examining I do some weekends. I really want to intensively study Chinese, and get as profficient as possible in this third year. Then, I'll likely do my PHD (or a concurrent Law degree/PHD) back in Canada. Or I might do some of the studies for my PHD in China too.

Anyways, the moral is this : I'm on the move again; feeling a bit traveled out; definitely taught out; certainly wanting to hit the books hard again. And, yes, I think I'm in love but running from it as usual.

North Korea: Kim Jong-il celebrates re-election as diplomatic deadlock drags

2009-05-08T09:46:11Z

"Kim Jong-il has been unanimously re-elected as North Korea's supreme leader as the international diplomatic deadlock continues over how to punish Pyongyang for last weekend's missile test."

By Peter Foster in Beijing - Last Updated: 6:11PM BST 09 Apr 2009
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/northkorea/5128904/North-Korea-Kim-Jong-il-celebrates-re-election-as-diplomatic-deadlock-drags.html

Oh, Communism...

Last weekend I flew up to Northern China, and went back in time in a variety of ways. On a small scale, I went back in time a few months. Traveling directly North exactly 10 degrees latitude felt like a bit of a vortex. It was deja vu over and over as I was seeing all the flowers, leaves, birds and foods of spring pop us just as I had seen only two months prior in Wuhan. On a larger scale, I stepped back in time a hundred years; into an undeveloped, ancient area of China. And what's more - the part that borders an even more underdeveloped area of the world - North Korea.
Thank you Communism!

Last Thursday afternoon I flew into Shenyang, the main centre of Liaoning Province. Shenyang was a Mongol trading centre from the 11th to 16th century; the capital of the Manchu Empire in the 17th century; and more recently it has changed hands of the Japanese (1930); Russians (1945); Kuomintang (1946), and currently rests in the power of the Communist Party (since 1948). Not surprisingly, Shenyang has many historical buildings and sites; however, due to an illness I had been bedridden with all week, I didn't see many of them. I really just wanted to sleep! Luckily, I stayed with a couch surfer in her MANSION and was treated to some very interesting Northern Chinese foods (muscles in sauerkraut soup) and a tour of the Korean districts of the city. I think I had the best sleep of my life that night! Although I still look pasty and swollen from the thousands of IV's of saline solution in all these pics. All that matters is I am feeling better now.

The following day I met up with another Couch Surfer (Dima, in the pic above) who is here from Belarus working for BMW. Him, his co-worker from Germany (Bruno) and I took a new A6 off the assembly line, and proceeded to drive it through it's first 700km of life. I'll just say I am not one for new fancy cars, (in particular when you are in one in an area where the purchase price could instead be used to feed every hungry child within 100km for a year) BUT, those of you who know about the driving and drivers in China will understand when I say, I was thankful more than once for the horsepower and handling of a Beamer

I was the tour guide, translator, and history buff and entertainer on this trip. However I was not aware this was expected of me until I met with these two fresh-off-the-boat-from-Germany expats. They hadn't even eaten street food yet! Needless to say, I coaxed them into more than one potentially life threatening and certainly enjoyable experiences. One night, I ordered a bowl of silk worms and told Dima they were a traditional Northern Chinese staple. Ha ha! And he liked them!

After trying to get out of Shenyang for an hour or so (Chinese maps and street signs up there make about as much sense as communism) we made it to the destination of the day. As a border city, Dandong's mix of Korean and Chinese culture was apparent upon arrival. Dandong survives on the tourism industry (mainly Chinese mainlanders) for sneaking a peak at North Korea across Yalu River. My favorite part was the old bridge; which is only half a bridge, as it was bombed in the war by Americans.
They've built a new one (behind the lighted one in the pic below) in order to transport goods to and from China.

On route, we stumbled upon a gorgeous Tibetan Buddhism monastery.

It seemed so strange to me that it was there in all it's glory and so close to Beijing. I find that freedom and zest for life increases exponentially as one's distance from Beijing also increases. But here it was, unscathed. Real monks and worshipers and everything.

We also came across some really cool water falls, which still had ice under them! Brrrrrr

Although it took us a while, we finally found the Eastern most stretch of the Great Wall -Tiger Mountain - On Saturday. Here we got our first views of North Korea. We were all so confused though. Right there on the border, there was no policing; no security; no worries. DO the Chinese not want to go into Korea or is It the North Koreans who have no desire to enter China? Have they both been brainwashed?

Yeah, there is about a 20 foot drop to my left (hence Dima kinda holding me so I don't fall back), but any desperate person could survive that jump. Dima and I are saluting Communism here, only 10 meters across a river from North Korea. Would it be strange to smile happily in a picture beside North Korea? I felt strange smiling there.

Furthermore, this hike along the wall that separates China from North Korea had us asking some other questions.
What do Chinese people think of North Korea? What do North Koreans think?
Firstly, since this might be most of your first time seeing pictures of North Korea, I'll put 4 in a row here that took from the top of the wall- the first is of the river that borders China (to the right) and North Korea (left) and then I tried to take a panorama shot spanning about 100 degrees all south of where I was standing - all of North Korea in it's glory.

Note: no roads, power lines, cars, etc!

Secondly, in order to help answer my previously mentioned musings, I asked some of my Chinese friends upon returning to Wuhan what they were taught in school about North Korea, and also what they thought most Chinese people think of North Korea. What were you taught?
My Chinese friends told me they were taught that North Korea is also a great country because it is communist. They currently think of North Korea as the little brother of China. Although I text messaged a friend from the border and he wrote back "be careful of the nukes!" which makes me think Chinese people are also aware of North Korea's threats as well. Furthermore, I did a quick online search regarding the realtionship between China and North Korea, and came up with a few really interesting sites if you are curious.
http://www.voanews.com/english/archive/2009-03/2009-03-19voa13.cfm?CFID=194184398CFTOKEN=73493567&jsessionid=6630ba3306af6bb136ce4f6a3b4478462c43
http://www.cfr.org/publication/11097/chinanorth_korea_relationship.html
http://www.atimes.com/atimes/China/KC24Ad01.html
http://www.allacademic.com/meta/p_mla_apa_research_citation/2/5/4/2/8/p254282_index.html

Here I am, pondering, since behind me across the river is North Korea - what do people ponder there?

On my last day up North, I slept at another Couch Surfer's home - Lotus - a girl originally from Wuhan who lived in Montreal for 5 years! She had a half-Canadian 5 year old son who was such a treasure and fun on the beaches; although the plethora of wedding photos was enough entertainment for me.

Dalian is said to be the Hong Kong of the North and is one of China's most prosperous and modern cities.

In some sick twist of fate, this city is mere kilometers form the spot where I took those pictures of North Korea.
Oh well, what can you do....

Peace!

A Letter Home

2009-04-20T07:43:18Z

Hi Home!
Man, I miss you. I just had a long Monday (taught 6 classes) and walked home; picked up my laptop; filled a mug full of Okanagan Pinot Gris; and walked over to sit by the lakeside to write to you. It is a beautiful 20C. The skies are clear and I have another few hours of day light. The Cherry blossoms are out in full bloom now and the city seems really peaceful today. It's a great day to be alive - and more importantly - lucid enough to see, hear, smell, feel, breath - all of this.

(This is the exact thing I am looking at right now as I write home)

Not a lot really to report here. It seems like it's the same old same old lately. But a lot is about to happen so, as usual, I have a lot to look forward to. To be honest, lately I've been pretty down in the dumps. Going to the garden to eat worms... It's a combination of a lot of things; and ultimately I have a lot to be thankful for and it could all be a lot worse. So I won't burden you with my troubles - I'll put on a brave face, as usual, for the fans.

(About 5 Long Island Ice Teas later, I put on an "I'm not drunk" poker face for the camera)

A way I cope with my current state of constantly missing family and friends; being lonely; feeling stressed out; working too hard; and generally needing a break from my constant thoughts is (as I have mentioned before) listening to music. Right now Jason Mraz is playing. A few other musicians that have been keeping me sane and therefore I'd like to recommend to you are : The Cat Empire, Kathleen Edwards, Eskimo Joe, Born Ruffian, and Jose Gonzales.

(About 5 beers later.... My poker face is not so good this time)

Since I've been a bit stressed, I've been trying to think of things to do that make me happy. Sometimes I ask myself what I liked to do as a child. Reading was certainly one of those things and so I've recently made some time to read a few books (other than my Chinese Language for Foreigners textbook). I just finished 'Fermat's Last Theorem', which has opened a door to an amazing world that was previously clouded in highschool-classroom-frustration. It is a book about the history of Maths - but it is also so much more than that. I learned so much from it that I think I will do a book report in a few weeks and post it as a blog posting!

(Geeks shall inherit the earth!)

Ugh I just looked down at my arms and was reminded how old I am looking lately. 28 might be the year that I look back on as the first year of my life I started to look old. Oh well. If there is one truth in life it is that we age as time goes by - a law of life perhaps. Why fight it~ In fact, I wouldn't mind being a little less attractive every once in a while. Ha ha. Who says that! I'm sure I'll delete that later - the benefit of writing a letter home over the computer rather than with a paper and pen. (Also you don't see how horrible of a speller I am- thank you spellcheck!)

(Classic - two-beers-in-one-hand pose)

So what else~ I should probably sandwich some negatives in with some positives in order not to depress you (or I) too much. I only have a week left of classes (Spectroscopy in Chem and Radioactivity in Physics) and then it is review for a month, and then exams for 3 weeks. What's more, in a month and a half when it's all over, I'll be jet-setting to Northern China for the cycle tour of a century! Jenn, seriously, this is going to be the most amazing 3 weeks of our lives. From this I'll maintain a state of ecstasy on route to a whirlwind tour of the Maritimes and then a visit to my Gran in Toronto before heading back to China for another go.

Well, that's the plan for now - but you know me.
Nope, I don't plan to head to B.C. as of now. You'll just have to come see me!

(I had the pleasure of hosting some friends from Suzhou recently where I introduced them to some local delicacies as well as local Wuhan sites - I miss you May and AP!)

FYI and in case you were wondering, China is still China.
Sigh~
Too many people; smoke every where; amazing culture and history; great friends and lots of travel; constant staring; constant littering; Shangbalao central! Loving it BUT I am feeling restless lately and can't figure out why.

(A surprise around every corner - I never get tired of that!)

I'm Definitely missing something in my life, and have found myself thinking a lot about really wanting a new challenge of sorts.

I feel as though it should be in the form of a family. But something tells me maybe I'm still not ready for that. In larger part because I still pity anyone who tells me they are getting married or having a child. Maybe I should wait until my mind changes about that before I go and do something I wouldn't even condone another person to do.

(Wow, it is hard to please a girl like me - I even had my own version of Kobe recently and was bored to tears with him - WTF~ PS: this is a new Orang Orang shirt that is for sale now and is part of the Winter 2009 collection.)

Oh, this reminds me of a movie I just watched recently (Vicky blah blah Barcelona) in which my favorite actress, Scarlette Johannsen (would have her babies in a second), stars as a platinum blond bombshell living MY life. It inspired me to go blond again, and also reminded me that life is a journey and there is no right path or ultimate thing we need to attain. And this is different for everyone. It has to be.
Like she says in the movie (and I have heard myself say over and over)
"I don't know what I want - but I do know what I don't want."
Guess I'll just keep going with that one for a while.

(Why can't all men be like you, Didi~)

This brings me to the topic of men. Why~ Why oh why does this have to be so difficult~
As if life isn't hard already - half the population has to be comprised of lying assholes who only care about themselves. Ugh!
This life has not been easy on me when it comes to this topic.
Two things: yes I do it to myself; and yes, it just keeps getting worse.
My mum once told me that you're not stupid for making a mistake. But you are stupid if you make that mistake again.
Um, I am an idiot.... Alas, I will leave it at that. One day, the right prince charming will come along and sweep all of these bad memories and experiences under the bed and I will be whisked off to a land of love, trust and respect.
The good news is I still partially believe in that fantasy, so it can't be all that bad.

(If May can find AP, I can find someone - anyone!~!@#$@!~ I just want someone to have fun with and explore this wonderful world and life together with me - is that too much to ask~)

Ok, gotta sandwich in another good thing now, eh?

Well there is no doubt I am fully addicted to and loving learning Chinese. Although now I can hear people slag me - but I can also slag them back! Like the Taxi driver who told me my Chinese sucked and I was like "oh really, my Chinese sucks? Yeah, well your Chinese sucks AND you're a shitty driver!" He was silent for the rest of the ride.

One point for the white girl! But I am getting tired of the constant comments about how good my Chinese is.

Like, because I have white skin and round eyes I can't possibly be able to use chopsticks or speak their language!??!?! Get over it already!

Imagine if I worked at a bar in Victoria and a Chinese-decent-fourth-generation-Canadian came in and ordered a drink and I said "Oh, wow, your English is so good!" Obviously it would never happen. Talk about an ignorant bunch of hicks we've got over here- but give it a generation and the entire world will speak Chinese, so it'll all just be a distant memory. One day day I'll tell my (undoubtedly one quarter to one half Chinese decent) grandchildren about how it was strange for a white person to speak Chinese back when I was young.

(I love China)

Last but certainly not least, The Orang Orang Project is keeping me busy - and partially insane. We are building such an amazing thing and I really can't say enough about how fortunate I feel to be a part of it. So far we not only have an amazing group of women on Bali Island but are slowly building a team of young, brilliant, beautiful women all over the world to build this vision and project with us. How cool! I really want to quit my job and dedicate all my time and energy to this but the realities of the real world (money) requires that I teach Chemistry to fund the project for now - though I have a feeling that'll be all part of the value of the story later on.

(Have I mentioned lately how much I love the beauty in simplicity~)

Well, with that, my wine is done. The sun is going down. And if this were on paper, I'm sure I'd have run out long ago.

Again, I miss you, Home!
Please write soon (address above) and give yourself a big hug, kiss, and lots of love from China.

XOXOXO Lindy-Loo